A Deep Dark Secret
by Guarding The Castle
Summary: Richard Castle has kept a secret from all his friends. Especially his partner and friend Detective Beckett. How will she treat him once she discovers the truth?
1. A Secret Revealed

**No one in this story belongs to me. I can only wish they did.**  
><strong>They are the exclusive property of ABCDisney, Marlow and the rest of the creative team **

**I am an amateur writer who should be doing other things. **

**This story hit me last week, hard. I can't seem to get it out of my head, so I wrote this down**  
><strong>It is so completely different from my normal romance and humor I am not sure what<strong> **I what to do with it**  
><strong>This story is even more AU than I normally write. It will dive into and out of the canon<br>**If you don't care for it, let me know and I will pull it down and I promise I will not be hurt**  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Detective Katherine Beckett and her long time tag along and partner, Richard Castle have found themselves in one more life threatening situation. In their case, more situations than any pair of partners should every be facing. Today is no different. It is heading toward a tragedy very quickly.<p>

For the last week they have been chasing a domestic terrorist in the guise of a rogue CIA agent who has killed everyone he came near in his attempt to escape justice. Now they are on their way to intercept him and stop his plan to kill a child. A small child in an attempt to create world wide chaos.

Castle was able to locate the tiny clue that would lead to the child's home and with that scrap of information and with the assets of the CIA, and his former lover and Muse, determine the little girl's name and where she was and how she would be taken out by a assassin

As Beckett and Castle are taken from a parking garage into a long corridor then into a large empty room Rick begins to feel like they are not in a good place and are not moving towards anything better.

As much as both of them want to stop the horrible event being planned, they are beginning to think that there may be way more happening here than a rogue agent planning domestic terrorism.

The thought quickly crosses Kate's mind that none of her co workers have any idea about where her and Castle are or knew what kind of trouble they were probably in. They were given strict orders that this case is Top Secret and they can tell no one at the precinct what agency is involved or where they are heading.

After they begin crossing the large expanse of empty office space it occurs to Castle that they are not moving in the direction of the building where the murder is to take place. He realizes very quickly that he and Kate are probably being taken to their own personal execution. As he tries to stop moving he looks in Kate's direction. He can tell that she is on the same page and has also realized that this jaunt is going to end badly for her and Rick

Beckett draws her service weapon and turns to face the CIA agent only to come face to face with the agent's weapon pointed directly at Kate's head

The woman tells Beckett to drop her weapon and Kate realizes very quickly that another person has also drawn down on them

Beckett places her 23 on the floor and her and Rick both turn away from the senior agent who is currently pointing her Beretta to the back of their heads

"You will never get away with this", Kate tells the other woman

Sofia kicks Kate in the back of the legs causing her to drop to her knees. She then does the same to Castle

"Of course I will" is the response "I will tell everyone that you two attempted to stop him and he killed both of you in his attempt to escape. Then I locate and kill him but only after he has killed the child. I will be so sorry I didn't get there in time to save the two of you"

"Sofia, why are you doing this? It will destroy this country. The Sofia Turner I knew would never let this happen to her country" Castle states

Then the woman responds with a comment in perfect Russian that Castle does not understand, but Becket, who had spent a small amount of time in Russia, understood the words

"What do you mean, 'this is not your country'? You are CIA. You swore an oath to protect this country" Beckett comments

"I was never aligned with the capitalists. My allegiance belongs to 'The Party'"

Castle looks toward Beckett "I'm so sorry Kate. "

"Sorry about what Rick?"

"The two of us dying like this with so many things unresolved between us. Things I have never said to you. Things I never told you. Missing moments between us. The secret I have been keeping"

Sofia Turner speaks up "Rick! Are you saying that you never told Kate about your past?"

"What past?" Kate turns her head back to look at Turner

"He never told you what happened to him?"

"What do you mean? What happened to him?" Beckett asks in a raised voice

"He never told you why he became a mystery writer? Why he is so obsessed with murders? And why he was digging so deep into your past?"

"No" Kate answers

Sofia raises her gun in the direction of Rick's head

"Too bad that he never will"

NO!" Beckett screams as she tries to stand and protect Castle from his certain death but before Kate can move the sound of a gunshot echoes through the entire empty office space

#*#*#*#*#*

It is said that in the moment just before your death, your entire life flashes before your eyes. In Katherine Beckett's mind every moment of the last four years becomes crystal clear

The exact moment when she met Richard Castle is etched at the very front of those memories and ready to recall. The book release party. The blank look on his face when she first approached him

His flirtations. His irritating presence. His lack of respect to procedures and policy. Him refusing to leave when she was just doing paperwork

BUT what about his past is this woman saying? Secrets he has kept from Kate

What Secrets?

Kate recalls what he said to her in the cemetery. What he whispered to her as she lay on the ground with a Bullitt in her heart. The words he spoke when he probably thought she would die in his arms

"Stay with me Kate. Kate, I love you I can't lose you too"


	2. A Person of Interest

**AN Please remember that I am mostly AU. The Legend is them but my stories drift a lot. In this case, I am drifting into and  
>out of the canon of the series. I am bringing the story to a different place than it has gone.<br>So please no reviews telling me that this or that never happened. **

**A lot of people are following along. I hope you can stay because I am having a brain explosion with this one**

* * *

><p>Her First View of Him<p>

Senior Detective Katherine Beckett enters the crime scene along with her two fellow detectives Javier Esposito and Kevin Ryan.

The crime scene is obviously staged. The victim is placed on a table with flowers covering her body and sunflowers covering her eyes.

Detective Beckett carefully circles the scene looking for any indication as to who the victim is or who the perpetrator might be. She is looking for any evidence as the reason for this poor woman's tragic death.

She steps slowly and deliberately as she takes in every nuance of the scene. He eyes dance around the body checking for every detail. She looks for a clue. She is sure there must be some clue that will lead them to apprehend the killer

"He even bought her flowers" are the words spoken by the fire and sulphur medical examiner "Who says romance is dead"

"I do every Saturday night" is a cold response from the detective. She continues her circular walk around the victim "I've seen this before" She states to no one in particular

Her partners look at her in question to which she responds "Don't either of you two read?"

Detective Beckett knows exactly who wrote this story. The mystery story teller who wrote this very murder scene in one of his books He is a writer that she has followed for a decade.

She is also aware of another death that was staged to match his writings so it will serve her investigation to track this man down and have a long conversation with him on her turf.

She travels to a local event where he is celebrating the release of his latest tale of murder and mayhem. After her arrival she locates the man who she is currently classifying as a 'person of interest' and she approaches the tall somewhat disheveled individual

"Mr. Castle" She speaks with a voice of authority and he turns to face the source of the words "Detective Kate Beckett NYPD I would like to talk to you about a murder that occurred a little while ago"

The detective also notices a very young, very attractive girl seated at the bar directly behind the man make a strange comment "That's different"

Knowing the writers propensity to chasing skirts and one night stands she can only assume the comment from the young girl was related to his normal actions

As the writer's attention is drawn to the detective's face she sees a dumbfounded look. Instead of his usual tabloid grin, she sees what appears to be shock from his face as if he is caught with nothing to say

Unfortunately for the detective, the mystery writer turns out to not be the prime suspect but only a victim himself. A victim of a copy cat. Someone wanting to commit the crime and copy it from the best selling book.

But there is something about the man. Something that she did not expect. She was not surprised that he was not there to help the victims but he did seem to have a genuine interest in finding the solution and as he put it, so he could get "The Story"

She tried to tell him that there wasn't always a story and he insisted there always was one. And in the case of the Tisdale murder there was, in fact, a story. After the arrest she came to realize that for him the story was in what she always considered to be the motive. She knew that no matter how you pronounce the word tomato, it is still the juicy red fruit that goes well on salad and hamburgers or just sliced and eaten. Therefore "Story" or "Motive" both relate to the solution

So to call 'The Motive' ,'The Story' still fits the description

Then the changes came. He wedged his way into the life of the homicide detective. He actually became some help even though he was still irritating to the team with his small childlike silliness and his rich playboy bank account and his willingness to use both at the worst time

When Detective Beckett was told that he would be staying in the station so he could learn from her and her partners and create a new character for his pulp fiction she knew that lines had to be drawn. Limits had to be set on what he would be told or not told about cases and most of all what would NEVER be told to him about her personal life.

The one thing she wanted protected at all costs was her private life. That's why it's called private.

But he had already chipped a small peephole in that tough exterior of hers. While investigating that very first case he profiled her very accurately. He had only missed a single detail. The detail as to who she had lost to violence. Otherwise he was dead on target as to her history. 'The Story' for him

But even with the chink he had made in her armor she kept her walls well protected with him outside.

So why in the world did she open up to him? Before she realized it, she had given in to his charms and told the story of her mother's death and how it drove her to where she is today.

* * *

><p>#*#*#*#<p>

His First View of Her

This pain inside of me has molded me. I know it first hand. Made me who I am. No one can tell me about pain. I live in pain. Everyday!

So! They don't like the way I deal with it. Too Bad! I will deal with my pain in any way is choose to deal with it.

If I want to go out with hundreds of women, that is my choice. If I want to have relationships with dozens of women it is none of their concern. If I want to drink myself into forgetting then I will drink until I can no longer stand up and have to be dragged to my car.

But at least I have found a better outlet that lets me escape from it, at least for a little while. My Writing

Funny how my own writing gave me an outlet to ease the pain. For a brief time each day I could bury my thoughts into the story I am telling and forget my other story. Unfortunately the writing is no longer doing it for me. I came to the end of a trail. A trail that has for the last dozen, or so, years kept me from going completely insane.

So now I am going to fall into that pit of insanity and I don't know how to stop the plunge.

The booze is no longer dulling the pain. The women are no longer filling the empty void. No matter how beautiful, or sexy or famous they are, these go nowhere relationships with women that I don't love are not doing the job anymore. Sex without a real deep commitment is not the answer.

And just having lots of money to buy anything you want is just…nothing either.

Nothing stops the pain.

Nothing!

But no one can tell me what I can to do to deal with the pain. Of course he has hid this pain so well, for so long

Then a face appears in his life. A face like no other. A face carrying a badge and a gun.

I don't remember what happened or how, but I found something new.

Someone new

A new story. A story of someone who was not like the others. There appeared that she is wounded. She is covering her scars very well. I wonder if her scars and my scars were similar.

Detective Kate Beckett had brought Richard Castle into interrogation at the 12th Precinct There are too many similarities between the current murder case she's working on and one additional case to be a coincidence. She knows that Mr. Castle has a penchant for bizarre and strange murders and possibly he's directly involved with the cases in front of her but she is taking no chances. For the moment he is a person of interest and nothing more

"Mr. Castle you know why you're here"

Her questioning gives him the opportunity to look at her. Her face, her eyes, her lips, her hair and he listen to her deep sultry voice.

He is enjoying her attention. Maybe she can be the next on hit list of women. That long chain of females that he is using in his attempt to satisfy his insatiable need for pain relief

When he is asked about his fan letters he again uses this as chance to flirt with her. He knows that the offer to bring his fan letters to her to be reviewed will allow him to watch her at work, doing real police work. Work he had only wrote about previously. Never actually participated in. He decides this might be the salve for his wound

But in joining in with her, he finds himself thinking only about the case and her and not his own demons. Then while he is watching her closely, he begins his profiling of her. When he realizes he has struck a place where she has a pain inside possibly equal to his own he pulls back and waits.

So now he must figure out a way to dig deeper into her life and especially her past.

Maybe in her he can find a solution to his own personal version of hell


	3. A Story of Murder

**Please by nice. This story is eating me alive. I am trying so hard to not give it away**  
><strong>YET<strong>

* * *

><p>Castle's View<p>

She is wounded. How wounded I don't know but she is definitely wounded. Not mortally wounded but very serious

I wonder if she might, just might be in a similar place to where I am. I wonder if my pain and her pain might be similar? Is she hurting more or less than me? No! It has to be less than me because no one feels the pain I feel and if they did it is less than me

I need to ask her. I need to know. I will dig into her back story and see if maybe, just maybe I can find solace in her. I mean really inside of her. Oh how much I want to get…Never mind that thought

She already blew me off! I guess she knew what I wanted. I wanted her. I could just add her to the book of past experiences and see if she can fill the giant empty hole inside. But she blew me off and she did it so very well.

But her denial gave me something I needed. Hope. A different kind of hope for me. I can still use her. She may not let me use her body, but I will still get to use part of her. Her persona!

He takes out his telephone and places the phone call

"Bob, its Rick Castle. I need a giant favor…yes of course I will send a check to the campaign head quarters…yes I will do it right now, but I need something very special…I need to follow a detective around for a new character I am thinking up…yes a female character. Is there another kind Right? She is a homicide detective in the 12th …great. I appreciate that. So you will call the captain right away? Thanks again Bob. I will call you later. We need to set up a poker game. I have been out of the loop for too long. I need to try to get back up to speed in life. I'll talk to you later"

He puts his phone back down. Perfect. I will inject myself into the station and see what she is really like. I will find out what makes her tick I bet I can get to her before she even knows it is happening. She will never see me coming.

I will get my new story. I will get her and then I might find peace for myself

* * *

><p>#*#*#*#<p>

Kate's View

"Sir? I'm flattered?" Kate states with more of a question

"How long will I have to be putting up with him following me?"

"Its up to him" the captain answers as the writer enters the room

Please tell me that he is not going to hang around me again? I do not need a skirt chasing playboy in my life right now. Hanging around sticking his nose into everything he needs to stay away from.

When we were working the Tisdale case he came way too close to my story. That means he has talents that I need to keep far away from

OH Great! Now I am calling it my story just like he did. Whatever it is I need him gone as soon as possible.

She walks back to her desk in a huff but he is following her

Why is he here. He doesn't care about the victims. All he cares about is his precious playboy reputation. Wonderful, now he has found an extra chair and is sitting beside my desk just staring at me. It is really creepy. I am doing paperwork and he is looking at me like a lost puppy. I wish the puppy would just go home

I had the chance to ask him about some of his history. I just had to throw it out and ask him about how many times he had been married. I did meet his daughter and she is lovely but that didn't mean he was married to her mother. But he did admit he was divorced twice. So that told me a lot about the type man he is. A revolving door of marriages.

So I just need to make sure that I don't get caught up in that spinning marriage, divorce carossell of Richard Castle

A new case is at hand. A victim stuffed into her home safe. Folded like a letter into and envelope and ready to put in the mail.

He is still following and he keeps digging into my past. I do have to admit he is different when it comes looking at the evidence. Maybe he is right about the 'Story' and why that is so important.

He figured out that the victims all had one thing in common. A charity. Of course when we went to the charity organizers to discuss the possibility of a connection to the victim's one of his old conquests was there. She recognized him and they chatted like old lovers. OH and when she asked if he and I were 'Together', I answered NO and his response

"NOT YET" He is so irritating! I had to finish that thought with "Never in fact" It has to be never

We went undercover to the charity ball. He bought me a dress. I have to say it was nice. Very nice! Going there did help us solve the case so I suppose I need to cut him a little slack.

* * *

><p>#*#*#*#<p>

Castle's View

She threw out the M question. She asked me how many times I had been married. I had to pause to think for just a minute so I told her twice. I had been married twice and twice divorced. Fortunately we moved past that conversation quickly. I could tell she did not want to have that conversation with me today or any day for that matter.

We moved to a very difficult case. A case where a victim was stuffed into a wall safe. When I told her the vic was folded on the dotted line, my humor was not well accepted.

We moved from theory to theory then I thought about a charity being the common denominator for the jewel heists, we went to one of their organizational sessions and met up with one of their planners. She recognized me from somewhere. I don't know where. She was not familiar to me at all. I have the faces of so many throw away women in my head. But I pretended to know her. She was pretty. Maybe I can hook up with her later

But then she asked me if I remembered a woman named Chaney. Honestly I don't have a clue who that was. She described the woman so I pretended to remember her, just for the sake of the conversation.

She asked me if Beckett and I were to together and I said "Not Yet' HA! That brought a response from her "NO! Never in fact"

I am going to break her sooner or later. Just watch me.

I got us tickets to the charity ball where we went undercover. I had to buy her a dress. It was obvious that she didn't have anything in her closet remotely close to the gowns that would be worn that night. I will have to admit she looked stunning just like mother said.

One more reason I want to get into her, but instead I get auctioned off like a piece of real estate.

Wait a minute! That really hurt. It hurt to feel like I was just being used. Is this what I have been doing to the women I go out with? I am just using them?

After the case she opened up to me about why she wears the watch. Then she showed me the ring. Her mother's ring!

She told me the story of her mother and how she died. Her mother was MURDERED?

How is this possible? Our lives crossing this way?

I have found a woman I can have that needs the relief from the pain every bit as much as I need to feel the release.

I need to find out what happened to her. I need to dig into the case of her mother. When I tell her we can do this together she got angry.

She told me that if I dig into her mother's case we are over. But I need to see what happened. I need to help her. I need to get answers.

Answers for her.

Answers for me

I talked Esposito into meeting me in the evidence locker and he gave me the file on Johanna Beckett's murder. Now I will find out something for her and then maybe it might help me too. Once she is fixed I can get to her. Fixing her might give me relief from my pain.

I am meeting with Dr. Clark Murray. I called him in to look at her case. He is the best at digging into the truth of a murder

"Rick! I found something" He begins

"You need to sit down and listen very carefully to what I have to say" The forensic specialist begins to weave a tale of evidence on Johanna's case and then more.

How can this be? I tried to listen to Murray's words but what he is telling me cannot be true. How can this be real?

I can't catch my breath. My head is aching at his words.

After his departure, mother enters the room and asks why doctor Death just left. I have trouble telling her his story.

"So Richard, darling, you went behind her back and chased after her story and found this one instead?"

"Yes mother"

"What are you going to do with the information?"

"I have to tell her but she said if I dug into her mother's case we were over"

"So I guess you have no choice but to tell her goodbye then?"


	4. A Change in Direction

**As the title suggests this story goes into a very dark place. So if you do want to travel into the scary woods please take her gun with you**  
><strong>I honestly have no idea how long this will go.<strong>  
><strong>I'm no good at this. Angst that is.<strong>

* * *

><p>"You don't even get to speak to me. Don't even try. Not after what you did to my girl" Lanie says in a voice filled with anger and contempt<p>

The two are riding in the back of the morgue transport vehicle

"Are you not even going to hear me out?"

"NO! You have no right to even speak with me"

"Did she even tell you what I found?"

"What do you mean? FOUND! What did you find?"

"Oh I see how it is. She didn't tell you everything, did she?"

"She told me that you couldn't respect her wishes and stay away from her mother's case. She asked you to leave it alone but you just kept digging into it anyway"

"Did she tell you about the evidence that I discovered?"

"Evidence? Discovered? What did you discover?"

From that statement I can tell that she has not told her best friend about the information I gave to her. I suppose I deserved that recoil from Lanie. I just wanted to help Kate. I just wanted to give her some form of hope, some relief from her pain.

If I can give her some relief, then maybe she will be willing to give me some relief. Oh how I want her to give me relief. If I can just get her in my bed, everything will be perfect. Since we already share so much. Wait. I am not sure that is what I want anymore from her

* * *

><p>#*#*#*#<p>

In Kate's Eyes

Why can't he just leave it alone? All that man does is try harder and harder to irritate me. He brings in a forensic professional to look into my mother's case. The case I had decided to try to move on from. But NO he had to dig deeper and deeper and cause me more pain.

I guess he doesn't care that it brings me pain. Well I will bring him pain as well. He will have to find some other woman cop to follow around. Maybe she will have less of a back story for him to use.

My hope for whomever he selects next is that he is more interested in following her for cases than he seems to be in interested in getting into her pants.

The release party for the Nikki Heat book is finally here. That means that soon after today I will be rid of him for good.

OH! Wait, Captain Montgomery just told me that he is going to write another book and I am stuck with him for another long extended period of time.. HOW long must I tolerate him?

When I finally gathered the nerve to ask about the book I was in for a shock. He said the next book is NOT Nikki Heat but he is being asked to re launch a spy thriller

I don't understand my own feelings. I thought I was going to be glad to get him out of my hair, but I actually felt my heart sink into my stomach when he told me he is leaving.

For some strange reason my heart is wanting him to stay. What is wrong with me?

Then my heart skips a beat when I find out he has been asked to continue Nikki Heat. Part of me is glad, part of me is frustrated. Deep down! I am really glad he is still going to be here. I don't understand what is wrong with me

The cases came and the cases went. I guess I have to accept that he has helped solve several of them. I really don't want to admit it, but he has been a good partner to me. He has stood by me on so many occasions. He has even saved my life a time or two

Actually more than twice

But Then IT happened.

We discovered the man who killed my mother. The hit man. The one who was hired to put his knife into her body and take her away from this earth and from me

The man who did not care that he drained the life blood from her. Did not care that he took her life but he destroyed mine as well and took my dad down a pit into the hell of alcoholism

The writer was there for me again. He made it happen. He provided the money it took to make the discovery and he almost gave his life in doing so. Coonan wanted to kill him but I couldn't let that happen.

I killed the man who took my mother from me before I was able to get the information I needed from him. I had to make a choice. Either get the information from Coonan or let him kill my…what is he anyway? My tag-along? My partner?

My friend?

It was at the moment I pulled the trigger I realized how important he had become to me. He really has become important to me. I finally admitted to him that I liked having him around. I want him there when I find the person who ordered my mom's murder. He has become someone that important in my life. A real friend to me.

That's why I can't let my feelings go any deeper when it comes to him. But it is getting harder and harder every day. I have to pull back and keep him at arms length. Having men friends helps me to do that.

* * *

><p>#*#*#*#<p>

Castle's View

I am still in need of relief but I have come to believe that the mind less sex and empty relationships are not really the answer. I gave up on the booze some time ago. It is not helping and a short fling with some ex-sex just proved that there has to be something else to fill that cavity

I have noticed something about her. When we are working a case, we seem to get into a zone where I feel her inside my head. I start thinking about a solution to the crime and I find her inside me. While she is in there I feel relief from my hurt.

She seems to take away my emptiness at least for the time while we are connected. I laugh about it because the boys see it and they are always commenting about us doing this linked brain thing.

But then the Coonan case occurred. I couldn't tell her why I was so ready to help get the assassin. I wanted answers from him but she killed him before answers could come.

I wished he had just killed me too

#*#*#*#

* * *

><p>Kate's View<p>

Then we get a call that sends us into a new direction. He calls her Nikki Heat

I get a call from a murderer who is determined to make us chase him down before he kills again. His first victim has 5 bullet wounds with carvings of letters on the projectile. They spell "NIKKI"

Then the second victim has four and this time "WILL"

The FBI showed up to take over and he found a new muse in the agent. Jordan Shaw. More brains and beauty for him to be around.

But I have a problem. I actually felt jealous when he started following her. WHY?

When the third and final victim was found the words "BURN" finished the message.

This guy wants to kill me

* * *

><p>#*#*#*#<p>

In Rick's Mind

I found myself wanting to protect my muse more than my prior desire of sex. I am not sure what happened but I find myself felling different toward her now

We found a suspect that we all thought was the perpetrator of the killings but he killed himself before we could arrest him.

Then I realized he was still at large and determined to kill HER. I rushed to her place to warn her. I watched as her apartment was destroyed in a bomb blast.

I felt my insides burn with pain and I rushed in to try and save her. When I entered her place my only desire was her safety. I found her naked in her bathtub. The tub had saved her life. But something changed inside me and I don't understand. This was my perfect chance to see her in all her naked glory and I turned away. I wanted to respect her modesty. I was actually embarrassed that she was naked.

WHY did I feel that way? For over a year I wanted to get her naked and now she is there and I had the chance to look but…

I didn't

I feel different now. Different about the relief I have been seeking. What I wanted from her before was what I have wanted from all the other women. Their body. Just their body and nothing else.

But now, for some reason I feel different. She has actually given me something else. Something different. She has given me friendship and that is filling me with a certain level of relief

If I can find relief in friendship, her friendship I may be able to survive until that day I find my answer


	5. A Small Step Forward

Why did I invite her to the Hamptons? Did I really do it for her chance at relaxation or was it more personal? I knew if I got her to go with me that things between us might grow but I found myself in second place with her. She is with the other guy. I am not sure why I stick around but I am pretty sure it does not include see her be with another guy.

I should be happy for her. She seems to be past thinking about her mother's case all the time. In fact I do see happiness in her face when she is with him. I am going to be happy for her. I know what it is like carrying that burden of emptiness around. Happiness is rare

I had to go another direction. I was hoping to have her come and fill my emptiness by simply being there. I have found just her presence is filling but he is her boyfriend now and I will need to find someone else

So to fill the void left by her refusal I did use Gina as my escape for the summer.

I wish I didn't. Every moment of time I spend with Gina ends up being a moment of personal torment.

Either she is pounding me about chapters or complaining about how I do certain things like fold my clothes or even trying to dig into my past.

She tried real hard again to find out why I do what I do. Why I switched to murder mystery tales from my first love, spy stories. She is trying again to find out why I am hung up on murders

I made the mistake once when we were married of letting her read my notes from my early books. The books I wrote while I was still in college. I put too much information in the margins of my journals and she questioned it.

I won't make that mistake ever again. NO one will ever be allowed to peek into my past ever again. Not her! Not anyone else!

While we were there, in the Hamptons, Gina did say one thing helpful. She suggested that I see a therapist to deal with whatever demon I am fighting. She may be right about that. I might look into that when I get home. Just not right now

I do wish I had called the team when I got back to town but I didn't. I thought that she was still dating that other detective and honestly I was jealous. I had no right to be that way. I have no claim on her but I couldn't help the way I felt

I was able to get my partner and best friend back. I just hope she can forgive me for being away like that.

* * *

><p>#*#*#*#<p>

Kate's View

He's back all right. Just another day in the life of the playboy mystery writer. We find him standing over a body, Whit a gun in his hand. I am truly surprised that he wasn't naked in bed with her when she was murdered.

Why is it so hard for me to look at him now? Is it because I know that deep down inside that flippant exterior there resides a very nice caring man who takes care of those he loves?

Well, I am not one of the ones he loves so why do I care? I don't care! I really don't!

The hell I don't!

I broke up with the man I was dating so I could go with him and what does he do? Leaves with his ex wife. How dare him!

That did hurt! BAD!

Well I need to move on I guess.

When I found out that the Nikki Heat book was being made into a movie and Natalie Rhodes was going to play Nikki, I was a little set back but then she called and asked to shadow me for a while so I agreed. I mean what is the difference?

Playboy writer following me or Braless movie star following me? My preference is neither!

I only thought that having him trail along behind me was irritating, but having her along copying me in every way was worse. Doing everything I do, just like I do. Dressing just like me. Fixing her hair just like me. Even picking up on my mannerisms.

Finally stealing my coffee away from him. My Coffee! That was just too much

And not just taking my coffee but then she grabs him, my partner, and drags him into the elevator and it was real obvious where she was taking it when she slammed him into the wall and grabbed his face. She was definitely going for the page 105 scene

My heart fell into my stomach. AGAIN! Why is this happening? Why did I feel jealous?

The next morning when she arrived all dressed like Nikki Heat, obviously all pleased with herself. She is acting like she got all of her questions answered about the relationship between Nikki and Rook.

I couldn't even look at her. I wanted to grab her and tell her to get the hell out of my precinct

Then she asked me a question that threw me totally off guard. She asked if he was gay and that he refused to sleep with her. She claimed that he was into me and I was fighting my feelings toward him. How ridiculous is that?

I have myself a new boyfriend. That should keep my mind away from him from now on. Shouldn't it? I mean every time something bad happens I turn to the writer, not the doctor.

When I need someone to talk to I call up the loft and not the hospital.

When I feel alone the story teller shows up to keep me company

When a world wide crisis happens and the MD goes over there to help with their relief Castle fills my emptiness

I am not into him!

Or Am I?

I am happier now that he is hanging around

* * *

><p>#*#*#*#<p>

Rick's View.

I can't believe that she allowed an actress to follow her around. I mean letting a civilian follow you around. What is wrong with her? That woman is not a cop. She is just an actress. A person with absolutely no experience with the police.

Oh, she just reminded me that I was just a civilian with no experience and I am following her around

OK but that woman is NOT Nikki Heat. There are many far better actresses that should play Nikki. Not this one.

WOW! She just stepped foot into the conference room dressed exactly like Beckett. Just like I had visualized Nikki

I need to rethink this woman. Maybe I need to get closer to her. She might become my long term fix for my hurt

Or maybe NOT!

She invited me into her bed and I said NO. I just turned her down without thinking about it

My heart told me to say no to her. Why? Am I really into my muse that much that I just told a beautiful Hollywood actress NO to her advances?

Yeah! That is exactly what I did

It is getting harder and harder to be around my muse without falling for her. I mean falling in the usual way. After all we have already been out on dozens of dates. Just we didn't call them 'dates'. We called them work meetings or theory building dinners.

To call them dates would mean we are falling for each other. And I am positive that she is not interested in me in that way. I am on the outside and she has a boyfriend right now and they are close.

Really, really close

* * *

><p>#*#*#*#<p>

Kate's Mind

My mom's case has reared itself up once again and we are chasing the dragon. The boys got trapped by the killer. The latest one in line in trying kill me. We have been able to track them down to a warehouse but we can't go in without getting the guys killed. We need a diversion and my novelist comes up with a plan. A dumb idea but at least it is an idea.

I play drunk and we stumble up distract then take out the guard. Of course it fails and the guard is on to us. I started to pull my 23 out when I am stopped. By Him

Stopped by a pair of blue eyes that are seeking to create a diversion. A diversion using my lips.

Without asking my permission he does it. He takes my neck and presses his lips to mine. Without thinking I responded to his action with an attack of my own. I admit I have NEVER felt anything so good. I mean absolutely perfectly right.

He had told me that if I didn't believe in even the possibility of magic I would never find it.

It was magic! Totally and completely magical. I now believe in magic

I had to bring myself back to earth and finish the task at hand. We did save the boys but only after he saved my life once more by jumping Lockwood.

I believe that for the last three years I would have died several times over if it were not for him. Yet I feel that I must keep him at arms length

I am not sure what to do anymore.

I really, really, like my boyfriend!

But is that enough?


	6. A Large Step Back

**I normally stay farther away from the canon than this but I am setting up something for later**

* * *

><p>"I hear you guys were really hard on Conrad last night"<p>

"Nah! Not hard. Just a little friendly hazing. That's all"

"Not to hear him tell it. It sounded like somebody was trying to teach him a lesson"

"What? Why would I want to do that?"

"Because you didn't want him spending time with me?"

"That is completely…"

"T…rue?"

"OK Fine I was jealous…"

What did he just say? It upset him to see me with another writer and he wants me all to himself?

Is he only talking about me and the writer?

He actually just admitted to me that he was jealous? What is he jealous about? Just what was he jealous of? That another writer was spending time with me? Using me as his muse just like he has done for the last…what three, almost four years?

Or is he talking about someone else he wishes I were not with? Is he jealous of anyone else spending time with me? Or another MAN spending time with me?

He has a lot of gall to claim ownership of me. He doesn't own me.

Or does he? Have I willingly given myself over to him? To his charms? To his stories? To his kind, loving heart?

What am I willing to do? Can I actually open myself up to him?

Is he saying he wants me. All of me to himself?"

I have to fight these feelings.!

No I can't fight anymore!

Why not? I mean after all he has given himself to me as a partner, a friend, a protector, a confidant

NO! I can't do this. I have to keep a long distance between us. I have to keep him at least at arms reach. There is no way this is going farther than it has already gone. Maybe it has already gone too far and I need to shut him out of my life now

"I think it's sweet. That's why you don't have to worry about me anymore. From now on I'm a one writer girl"

"Thank you"

"ALWAYS"

Did I just say that to him? We have used that word between us for a while now. We seem to use it to replace other words. Words normally reserved for when a man and a woman are…together

I just spoke to him with our secret word for…

NO! I can't say that to him

Not To HIM

* * *

><p>#*#*#*#<p>

_His View_

She has been helping me without even knowing it. But since I can't have her for my own I need to work out a way to deal with her moving on or rather US moving on. It does look like she has found her man. The one she wants and she will be staying with that another man.

I wish she were mine. Mine all mine. Not just my muse. I wish she were to belong to me. I have fought these feelings I have for her for about as long as I can.

My mother has not had the best history in relationships herself yet she seems to read me like an open book. She says that love is not a switch that you can just turn off. LOVE? What does she mean love? Why is mother saying that to me about her. I am NOT in love with her!

AM I?

I talked to mother about this and she said that I might need someone else I can talk to about her. A good friend who would listen. She first suggested that I talk to Lanie or the boys but I said that is a bad idea. The three of them are her friends and they will protect her at all cost so if any one of them thought I needed to .leave, they would drive me to the train station and buy me a one way ticket to nowhere

Then I decided on someone I could talk to. A therapist. He might be able to help me finally get over my emptiness and help me replace the feelings I have for her with something else

The doctor I found is a good man. He seems to have a long history of helping people. He comes highly recommended. Even my friend, the mayor, seemed to know about him

The first visit went fairly well. I did have a hard time telling him how I got to where I am today. Telling all about my history. Up until now only my mother knew the entire story. In fact even she does not know everything. She only knows what happened twenty years ago, not what happened since I met my muse

But Mother does know how I used to drown my sorrows in booze. Then I buried myself into my writing. It did help me a lot. Then the long line of women that I just used and used up. Each cure I took was only temporary.

Then I told him about my muse. The new woman who filled my emptiness with her friendship. How just having her around helped me ease my pain but now the pain is returning because she has a boyfriend and I have no claim on her but I need more from her. Not uncommitted sex, but real love. But that is not going to happen

But the good doctor told me to just tell her. He said if I never tell her, I will never know if we ever had a chance.

* * *

><p>#*#*#<p>

_Her View_

My friend and former training officer is murdered in cold blood and I had to go find his killer. Mike is dead and the captain is stopping me. But I am going to investigate anyway.

Alone and without backup I am going to find the murderer and take him down.

But again the writer is there to support me. Just like he has done for the last four years. He gives himself to me totally and never asks for anything.

I wish he would ask. I don't know but IF he just asked me I think I would crumble.

Then! HE DID IT!

He asked.

We were in the hotel suite talking about the case when he opened up to me. He told me how he saw me.

He had a look on his face I never saw on him before and it scared me bad. He was looking at me like I were a precious gemstone that he is wanting to take home and care for. Putting me in a place of importance to him. To care for me, like he has already done so many times

But this is different. I see a longing in his face. A longing I have never seen from any man, ever. All the men before had lust in their eyes. This is different and so very powerful. Like a magnet I want to just grab him but…

.

I fought it. I was able to walk away from him but before I closed the bedroom door he asked.

The question was asked with only one word

Kate?

And I closed my bedroom door.

* * *

><p>#*#*#<p>

_His View_

The therapist told me that I was my own worst enemy. He said I need to tell her. I need to talk to her and tell her everything. I need to stop hiding my feelings toward her.

But every time I come close to saying the words that are burning in my chest someone or something comes in between us.

But I get my chance. We go to LA together. She didn't want me there but I pushed my way in anyway.

I waited until my perfect chance came along and it finally happened.

We were alone in the hotel talking about Mike and her history in the department. During a pause in the conversation I took my chance.

I opened up to her about how I felt. Her strength, her depth, then her hotness. I actually thought I saw something in her face when I said these things but obviously I was mistaken.

She doesn't feel for me the way I feel for her. She stood to move to her room and I made one last try. More as a question I spoke her name

Kate?

* * *

><p>#*#*#<p>

_Her View_

Then I crumbled. I could not take it anymore. I just saw something in his eyes that I have been waiting for all my life and I just slammed the door on it. I cannot believe I did that to him. Not now. Not after everything he just said to me. About me and the things he has done for me

I opened the door so I could run to him

But he was gone.

I probably just lost my last chance at happiness

* * *

><p>#*#*#<p>

_His View_

Her response told me I was wishing for something that was never going to happen with her

"Goodnight Castle" as she closed her door in my face


	7. A Death in The Family

**I guess it is time for my repeat disclaimer**  
><strong>I write mostly AU and by that i mean the legend is Them. <strong>  
><strong>Canon, Not so much. <strong>

**This story jumps in and out A LOT!**  
><strong>So, Please no corrections about following Canon<strong>

* * *

><p>He escaped!<p>

Lockwood escaped from the courthouse. The man who wants to kill her is back out on the street. This can't happen again. I have to protect her.

I talk to the guys about what is happening. It seems they can tell that I am worried for her. They seem to know how much I am into her. At least I hope they see me as her partner and friend and I just want to help.

But she is shutting me out. She is focused on finding Lockwood and taking him down without backup

I go home and try to come up with some kind of a plan to help find the assassin but I am facing a dead end in every direction

There is a man at the door of my loft. I open the door to see a distinguished gentleman who somehow seems familiar. His appearance makes me feel like I already know him, yet we have never met face to face. I have known him only from the conversations with his daughter. The woman that more than anything else I want to save from her own devils

It is her father that is at my door seeking my help in stopping her from herself.

He has told me in great detail about her life before I came along. How she grew up. Her home life before the tragedy that now defines us. How, as a child, she always stood firm and proud. Facing down the evil of the night with a fierce determination to not let the dark win out.

Now she is facing an evil that wants only one thing. Her death! And that evil is fully capable of taking her life in an instant and without regret.

Her father looks completely thru me when he speaks the truth about what is happening inside me

"She cares about you Rick and unless you are a lot dumber than you look, you care about her too"

He hit that nail squarely on the head

"Don't let her throw her life away"

No one ever spoke truer words to me than this

* * *

><p>#*#*#<p>

_Her view_

The _knock_ on the door had better be a friend, because if it isn't, then whoever is there will find a bullet in their head.

Of course it is HIM. The one person I knew would show up at my door sooner or later. I am sure he will have some stupid joke to toss out to try to make this all OK.

Well! It is NOT OK!

I am not interested in his stories or his little theories right now. I am only interested in leads. Leads as to where I can find Lockwood. Evidence that will lead me to the answer to my quest

Then he tell me to walk away

What do you mean walk away? Why does he think I would ever consider walking away from this?

How dare him even suggest such a thing?

Yeah! I have thought about how it affects my friends. Those people who love me.

My dad.

JOSH?

He asked about Josh? Why didn't he ask about himself?

Does this mean if I died he would not be affected?

Am I a Friend a Partner?

Is that all I am to him.

A Friend?

A Partner?

A Lov…?

NO! Absolutely NOT! I am not that to him. But at this moment all I am wishing is that I could find my mom's killer and this man I'm standing in front of me causing all kinds of anger to build up because he either does not really care about me or he is ashamed to admit it

He is saying all the things I want to say

What about the Kiss?

What about almost dying in his arms?

Saving each other time after time. But he doesn't want me to throw my life away but it is not his life.

How dare him tell me that I am always ready to run away?

He can leave now

"We're over!"

"Roy, I want him gone!"

"OK, He's gone"

"What?"

"You want him gone. He's gone"

Wait a minute. He can't just agree to what I asked. I want Roy to fight to keep him. I need him to stay.

NO! I need him gone!

I don't know what I want.

"I could have thrown him out anytime but I saw how good he was for you Kate".

He is right. He has been good for me.

Really! Really good for me!

Now he is gone

What have I done?

* * *

><p>#*#*#<p>

_His View_

Here I am walking out of her apartment for the very last time. This can not be happening to me again. I will not survive this loss

I stop at the package store on my way back to the loft. I think I will return to my first pain killer, the bottle

In my study I am looking at the largest bottle of scotch I could find. I think I will just turn the bottle up and guzzle it down in one swift gulp.

Alcohol poising. What a way to die. They will find my body sitting at my desk with an empty bottle with the rest of the brown liquid inside my system.

But before I do that I need to leave a message for her or whoever is left behind.

'Dear Kate,

If you survive this attempt on your life, you need to know this about me.

I believe you deserve to have the truth.

I know that tonight I stepped over the line when I made the statements about Josh, your dad, and everyone else being affected if something happened to you and I am truly sorry that I said those things to you.

Yes I will be affected if something happened to you. I will be devastated.

But, Kate, I'm in love with you. I don't know why I couldn't just tell you face to face in plain clear language. But I do love you. I love you more than I have loved anyone. Ever!

And when you find out my truth then you will see how important this is for me.

The truth is that twenty years ago…'

The telephone ringing interrupts the thoughts. There is a call from Roy Montgomery

"Hello Roy. Listen I am sorry but I am no longer welcome. She told me to leave and never come back and honestly I cannot watch her die"

"Yes? You need me to do what? Roy, are you sure that this is best?"

"All right, I will be there"

I wonder what he has in his mind. He just asked me to rush over to the hanger where the helicopter was located and meet him there

* * *

><p>#*#*#<p>

_Her View_

Roy is standing in the dark, holding his revolver. I don't understand what is going on.

The message on my phone explains it all.

Roy was a part of my mom's murder.

"You brought me here to kill me?"

"NO! I brought you here to bait them and here they are. You need to leave NOW! I'm going to end this"

"No. I am not leaving"

"CASTLE! Get her out of here"

What is he doing here? He is carrying me out in his arms. He is taking me to safety as he has done so many times before.

Yelling! I hear yelling and then gunshots.

Then

Silence!

* * *

><p>.<p>

"No one outside this immediate family ever needs to know about this.

Roy Montgomery died a hero"

I am trying to speak the words that need to be said to the friends and family gathered around the grave side.

I am adding words to my speech that are meant for one person only. Not for everyone else to even try to understand

"Roy Montgomery taught me what it meant to be a cop. He said that for us there are no victories only battles and if we are very lucky we find someone to stand with us"

He yelled at me! Why did he yell at me?

OW! That hurts. There is a pain in my chest like I have never felt before

Why am I on the ground?

Why is he standing over me?

What is he saying? I can't hear him. The pain in my chest is keeping me from hearing.

I am so sleepy. His face is in front of me and he is asking me to stay with him. Of course I will stay with him. He is my partner. He is the best partner I have ever had

What did he just say?

He said he loves me? NO! He can't be saying that. Not now! Not while I am dying

What did he mean by "I can't lose you too"


	8. A Return to Work

She told me to leave the hospital room and not to call her. She told me that she would call me but she hasn't. It has been weeks…no months now that I have not heard a word from her.

She told me at the hospital that she didn't remember the shooting. She said it was all black. Well if she did not remember what I said to her then there should be no reason that I have not heard from her

Except one of two things happened.

One: She heard me and she does not feel the same way about me as I do about her and she wants no part of me now

Or

Two: She is being taken care of by Josh and she doesn't need me to be there anyway

There is a third possibility. She heard me and does not feel the same for me and she is with Josh who is cuddled up with her kissing her wounds…

The way I wish I could

Either way my therapist has told me it is time for me to move on. And that is exactly what I am going to do. I just have one final task to work out and that is to close the Johanna Beckett case. At least that will give Her the closure she disserves and it will help me as well

I can take the files over to Esposito's place instead of going to the precinct. If go take them over to Javi and give then to him I will let him give them to her. That way I will not run into her at the station if by chance she has already gone back to work.

I have not been at his place before. Nice building though. I hope he is home

The door opens "Hello Espo"

"Hey Bro. What's up? I haven't seen you in a couple of weeks"

"No. I have been laying low. Listen I've got the Beckett file here to give you" as he presents the folder that has become much larger than it was when the detective gave it to the writer so many years before

"Why are you bringing it here? Why don't you take it to her?"

"I figure if I show up at the station, and Captain Gates sees it then she will ask why I have it and take it from me. This way you can give it to her and let her finish what I started"

"Why didn't you just go to her place and give it to her there?"

He steps back with that comment and decides to choose his words very carefully. He believes that the Hispanic detective has a sixth sense when it comes to the feelings that the writer has had for his muse for the last several years but just to be safe he chooses a more tactful answer

"I want her to have this but I honestly did not want to go there, uninvited, and possibly interrupt her and…" he can't finish the statement

"Her and who? Why do you think you would be interrupting anything?"

"Her and her boyfriend! I didn't want to interrupt her and him if they were, you know, busy? I know that he hates me. He blames me for her getting shot and honestly he is right. But none the less she needs this file and I wanted to be sure that she got it"

"Listen bro, she just came back yesterday and immediately bumped heads with the new captain. She asked about her mom's case and the captain told her that she would not be investigating it. In fact it is off the active list right now. We have too many cases to focus on hers"

"Did you tell her I had the file?"

"No Ryan and I got called to a crime scene and she stayed behind to get caught up and then went to the range to re qualify to get her service weapon back. I didn't see her after that"

"I see. Listen please just give this to her and tell her about what information I found"

He places the file on the table and walks toward the door then turns back "Thanks man for being there for her and tell her I said good luck"

And he steps out into the night and begins walking toward his loft

#*#*#*#

That new captain is such a … No I should not call her names. She is the captain. She is my boss now, but how can she tell me that I cannot investigate my mom's case. I cannot look into the person who shot me.

And she wouldn't give me my gun. I want my gun!

The boys got a case and left. That's ok for now. I need to catch up on some paperwork and I need to go to the range and the range officer told me I could cove out there later today. So that I will do

It does feel strange to be back at this desk. But I just realized something.

The chair is missing. HIS chair is gone.

Quickly glancing around the floor looking for the chair I don't see it anywhere. I know exactly which chair it is and I do not see it…OH there it is in the captain's office. She took it as an extra to place across from her desk.

I will trade it out later when she is not here.

WAIT! Does that mean he has not been here since I have been gone?

Time to go to the range and blast away at some poor defenseless target

She stands and walks to the elevator and steps in

#*#*#*#

Lanie's View

"GIRLFRIEND! What do you mean you have not talked to him? Why didn't you talk to him? When was the last time you two spoke?"

"Pretty much from right after I got shot"

"WHAT? He didn't call you? Why did he just leave you alone?"

"No I told him that I would call him"

"Then why didn't you call him?"

"I just couldn't… Why are you asking?" Pain is in her face

Lanie reaches into her desk and pulls out the file that Esposito had just brought by. "This is why"

She places the folder in the detective's hand "He has been in the station, sitting at your desk working this file until the new captain tossed him out. Then he came here or worked it from home ever since"

She looks at the large set of documents that are being presented to her

"He found a lot of dead ends and he filled in some other gaps. He said to give this to you and he hopes it brings you peace"

"Why didn't he bring it to me? I mean why did he leave it with ya'll?"

"He said he was not going anywhere he was not wanted and he was afraid of running into your doctor boyfriend"

The detective steps away from the desk and almost bumps into the autopsy table

"I don't have a boyfriend anymore. We broke up"

That comment causes the ME to just stare at her friend

"When did you break up with him?"

"The day I was discharged from the hospital. We had a giant fight about the dangers of my job and…other things"

"And what other things?" the medical examiner sees the blank look on her face

"Josh didn't like me hanging around…HIM"

"Well you don't have to worry about the him part anymore. When he came by and told Javi that he was done and would not be coming back and to wish you the very best and hopes for your happiness"

The burning in her throat feels like she is going to lose her last meal. How can he say that" How can he claim that he is done? They have been a team for four years. He can't just break it off NOW!

#*#*#

His view

If I say 'thank you for coming out' and 'what is your name' just one more time I am going to scream. These book signings are becoming less and less interesting.

I once would use these events to pick put my next one night stand or even a girl to take and show off at a party or go get drunk with. But now I just don't care anymore.

For so long now I have had only one woman on my mind and I blew it with her I guess.

Time to move on

The therapist has convinced me that the booze or one night stands are not the cure for what ales me. They were only a small band aid covering a giant open wound. But I have to admit she did cover the wound very well and she did keep it from becoming infected before now.

But I will take the advice of the therapist and just…What did I just hear? It is her voice

"The name is Kate. You can make it out to Kate". The voice I thought I would never hear again.

It takes me a moment to catch my breath before I take the book from her. I write her name in the book and place a few non destructive words on the paper, sign my name, close the volume and hand it back to her. She seems to want to stay in place but the next person steps up to the table easing my tension on having to deal with her

When I look to see the time is finished and I can now leave the bookstore, I quickly get up and depart thru the back door to make sure I am not confronted with a person that I cannot have a conversation with right now

But as I turn the corner to return to the main street, there she is in the park sitting on a swing. She seems to be waiting. Is she waiting for me?

I doubt it, so I flag down a cab and head home to the loft


	9. A Confession

**AN Just a short filler**

* * *

><p>"I guess you usually don't get anyone back after they pass their physic eval?"<p>

"Everyone is different Kate. Tell me what is happening that has you back here to see me today"

"I think I messed up something in my life. I mean really messed up badly"

"Well after getting shot in the heart that can leave scars not just the wound on the body but in the mind as well. These wounds can make you do irrational things. Tell me how you messed up"

"I ran someone off. Someone really important to me"

"A co worker? A friend?"

"NO…yes…He was a friend and a co-worker. I mean unofficially a co-worker. He didn't actually work for the department but he was a civilian consultant."

"OK so a man who is a civilian and just had some special expertise that he brought to the table. I assume he helped solve cases? Something he was especially good at doing?"

"Right! He looked at the crimes differently than the rest of us and he came up with his own off brand answers and a lot of time he actually found solutions that we missed."

"OK Kate so tell me how you messed up this friendship?"

A long pause tells Dr. Burke that she is having to come up with an answer that she thinks will satisfy him and at the same time not give him too much detail about herself.

"He had hung around the precinct for four years following me around and generally being a nuisance. He wrote books about me or more accurately about this character that he created copying me. Then we started to get closer like friends where I could tell things about my life, but then he stuck his nose into my personal life and dug into my mother's murder, then he took me out on dates…oh I mean undercover operations. ,,,and then he…"

She suddenly realizes that she is doing nothing but rambling

"So Kate, I am getting the impression that you have feelings for this man"

"YES!...NO!...That's not the point. The point is that I want my friend back"

She now realizes that she has given away her true feelings toward this mystery man

"Kate. What happened?"

"He told me he loved me. When I was lying on the ground after I was shot, he told me that he loved me. But I wasn't ready to hear that"

"Did you know he felt that way before?"

She pause a minute "Yeah, I think I did. I saw it in things that he did. He took care of me in so many ways but I was so scared of…"

"Scared of what?"

She really doesn't know how to answer that.

"You were shot over three months ago. Something triggered you coming here today. What is it?"

She is looking out the window of this nice office, again trying to protect her private side. The part of her she keeps closed off to others. Yet she knows that she has to open up to get this cleared

"After he told me that he loved me, I panicked. I knew I had to keep him away at least for a short time until I could work everything out in my head. I figured I could eventually work it all out. So I told him I would call him but then I didn't and when I came back to work I found out he had stayed around working on my shooting case. I went to try and talk to him but he rejected me He refused to talk to me. He walked away without saying a word"

She takes a deep breath to stop rambling again

"Now I guess I messed up and it's too late for us"

"Kate from what you said about him, he has spent years trying to be your friend or maybe even more. Did you think he might have other factors driving him? Keeping him from deep romantic involvement. You never said anything about romance with him. You only talked about his friendship, companionship. Maybe he is not interested in women"

She laughs out loud "OH he likes women all right. When he first started hanging around me he was all over anything in a skirt"

Then she stops to think 'lately not so much. In fact she can't remember the last time he took any woman on a date. Except me'

"Doc, he won't even talk to me now. What do I do?"

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to at least have a chance with him, but I'm afraid the way he is acting that he has lost interest in me"

"Or maybe he is holding back to protect his own emotions. Kate, try to talk to him. Find a way to talk to him in private. Tell him all your feelings but be honest. If you are not ready, tell him that"

"What if he has already moved on?"

"Kate. Let's cross that bridge when and if we come to it. You might find that he is open to talk.

Something in this current conversation is ringing to the good doctor. A story parallel to another on of his patients.

"This is not important to your case but just for my information, what is this man's name?"

She is again looking out the window and the doctor can see tears forming but he also sees that she has a strong emotional connection

"His name is Castle. He is the author Richard Castle"

Dr. Burke is so glad that she is not looking in his direction when she answers because he knows his face has given away the fact that he has also been treating Castle and has heard from Rick about the strong feelings of love that he has for Katherine Beckett and why he feels so strongly about her. The connection that the two of them share


	10. A Visitor at the Door

Kate's POV

"Hey Rick, it's me .How are you? Good to see you. Did you have a nice summer? Mine was a little boring"

"CAN WE TALK?"

NO! NO!

That's no good

That sounds so stupid. I can't just pick up a phone and call him and act like nothing happened. If I do, he will just slam the phone down or simply refuse to answer the call when he sees my name on caller id.

Oh better than that he has tagged my number as a harassing caller and if I do call him, the phone police will come looking for the prank caller. That would be me!

If I send an e-mail I know he will not even open it before deleting my message. It will never be read. I have only one option

Go to his place, knock on his door, and talk to him face to face.

But that has its own issues. What if I get there and he is not home or worse Alexis or his mother answers the door then slams it in my face or throws me out without ever letting me see him or talk to him or tell him I am so sorry about all of this

She gets into her cruiser and heads toward the loft to face the demon head on. If Alexis is there I will try to talk to her If Martha is there I will try to talk to her too

I hope no one is there except Him

* * *

><p>#*#*#<p>

Rick's POV

I was alone and hurting for so long and then I thought I had a chance of healing when I found her but then just to have my hopes dashed by her.

I have to be strong now. I have to get her off my mind. But this time I am going to stand firm. No more booze. The bottle does not heal anything it just delays the inevitable. After you sober up the problem is still there and you have a hangover

I can do this. Somehow I can do this without her. Over the last few years I have grown stronger because of her. I will bury myself into my books. If may be the books about her but I will some how figure out a way to do this.

OK I have a plan. No Booze! No wild Women! Just my books. I will dedicate my mind to the books

His thoughts are interrupted by the ringing of his phone. Caller Id says 'blocked' he is almost positive that it is Her. He reaches over to hit the ignore button but instead answers the call.

"Castle"

Instead of the sultry female voice that he expect4ed to hear yet has missed hearing from for so long there, is a deep baritone male instead

"Mr. Castle. I am a friend of Roy Montgomery and we need to talk"

"Mother, he said that he has information about the man who had Kate's mother murdered and…" he halts his statement

"Richard. What are you saying? This man has the proof that Katherine is needing?"

"Yes. He said that Roy Montgomery sent him police files that have the evidence on who is behind this. ALL of This! But he said that she is only going to stay safe if she stops investigating her mother's murder"

"Are you going to tell her about this?"

"Mother if I do then she will run out in front of this and get herself killed. I have to stop her. I have to protect her from the danger"

"Son you sound like a man who is still in love with her and not someone being a pushed away"

He pauses in his thoughts. She is right and he knows it.

"I told her that I loved her"

"OH My! When did you do that? I have not heard her screaming in terror at the thought of being your number four"

"I told her when she was shot. I was holding her in my arms and I begged her not to leave me and that I loved her"

He takes a slow breath

"But later she said that she did not remember anything about the shooting so I am not real positive if she did or did not hear me say it"

The concerned woman is looking at her son

"But because she told me that she would call, I believe that she heard me and wants no part of this"

"So Richard, darling. What are you planning to do with the information about the case?"

"I will try to work thru Ryan and Esposito. I will let them take care of her. That is what I believe is the best right now then…"

A knock on the front door breaks his conversation.

"Hold that thought, mother. I have no idea who this might be"

Castle walks over to the entry way and without pause pulls open the door.

* * *

><p>#*#*#*<p>

Kate's POV

'I can do this! I can do this! I can do this!'

She repeats the words to herself over and over. As she pulls into the parking garage below the loft, the only thing on her mind is to find a way to fix this…? What is between them that she needs to fix?

A Relationship. That is all she can call it.

'A relationship. A connection between two people. It can be Platonic, friendly, cordial,

Romantic?!

Which one is this one? Right now there is No relationship. That relationship that once existed is destroyed. It is totally and completely gone

OK Kate. You have to tell him how much his friendship means to you.

NO!

You have to tell him that you heard him in the cemetery.

You have to tell him how much you wanted to hear him say those words to you

You have to tell him you have been wanting to say those words to him

BUT! You can't, can you? You still have the death of your mother blocking every strand of your heart from releasing itself to him

You need to beg him to stay until you solve the case. BUT! What if you NEVER find the killer Then you will never have a complete relationship.

With Him!

"I wish Dr. Burke were here to help me sort all this out"

She finds herself standing in front of the loft door with her hand raised to knock. She takes in a deep breath

Knock, knock, knock

* * *

><p>#*#*<p>

Richard Castle is having trouble breathing because standing outside his threshold is Katherine Houghton Beckett looking as beautiful as ever

Her long flowing hair cascading down the back of her form fitting jacket.

He looks at her as she is standing in front of his home. He only glanced at her at the bookstore and deliberately did not commit to memory any image of her at that time, but now he is savoring every nuance of her appearance

Her slender frame seems slightly thinner than the last time he really looked at her, just before the shooting. It appears she may have lost a little weight in the last few months. Her face seems pale. He wonders if she is wearing less makeup or possibility she may just not have been in the sun much over these last few months.

Her eyes seem a little weak But they are still as beautiful and captivating as he remembers them the first time he saw her.

"Can we talk? Are the first words out of her mouth


	11. A Needed Conversation

**Just a reminder. In and out of Canon**

* * *

><p>"Katherine Darling! So glad to see you" The voice of the Broadway diva filling the loft causes Kate to stop short at the threshold. Her planned attack on Castle halted before it could even begin to formulate in her mind<p>

"Martha?" A startled Beckett says in a voice filled with question

Castle's eyes are frozen looking at Kate. He is having trouble pulling his mind down to a point where he can accept that she is actually standing here, at his loft, in his doorway

Rick finally looks between the two women then settles his eyes on his mother. He gives her a look that definitely tells the woman that she needs to leave the immediate area as quickly as possible

Martha accepts the obvious silent request from her son then walks briskly to the kitchen counter and drops her wine glass. She then moves toward the entrance and announces, as she steps around the pair still frozen in the opening

"Richard, Katherine I need to be going now. I have a class at my studio that I need to attend to, so you two take care of whatever it is that you need to take care of and I will See you two later. Ta Ta"

Martha very hurriedly exits the door but before she disappears she gives Castle a glare that tells him he better take care of this situation and not delay it any longer

Rick turns back toward his guest and indicates for Kate to come in and leads her toward the couch at the center of the loft. He turns toward his visitor "May I take your jacket?"

Kate's mental thoughts are brought to a halt by Rick's comment. From the moment she decided to come to his loft she had been working out what she planned to say and how she would say it. One option that she also considered was to just grab him and tell him that she heard him at the cemetery and what it meant to her and how much she wanted to hear those words and that she felt the same thing but…

"OH! No I will keep it on. I will not be staying long"

Why did she just tell him that she would not stay long when she really wanted to spend hours with him here today?

He indicates to Kate that she may sit down and she does

"Would you like something to drink?" Castle asks

"UH! No. I am fine thank you" is her troubled response. It is evident to Castle that she has something on her mind and she is having difficulty in dealing with the words she needs to say

He is positive that she is here to tell him that she wants him to go away, stay away, and to just keep out of her life and leave her alone. She has on more than one occasion reminded him that it seems to her that he cannot keep out of her private life.

She probably has already filed a restraining order against him and is here today to serve it on him herself.

"To what do I own this visit?" Castle asks as she sits himself down at the couch facing her location

"Castle I know that I left you out in the cold after I was shot but I needed time to sort some things out in my head"

Castle listens to her and is trying to not comment

"There was so much that happened and I just couldn't deal with everything that went on"

She is trying to not bring up his confession of love as part of what is driving her issues

"I needed time. I know I told you I would call you but I just needed to sort it all out first"

Castle translates her comment in his mind 'Needed to deal with what happened? HUH? I guess that means she is trying to find a way to tell me she heard me and wants no part of that'

"I needed to get some healing done"

"Josh help you with that?" Castle says with a sharp tone that came out harsher than he meant for it so sound

She takes a deep breath "We broke up"

Rick finds his own heart beating faster with the words just spoken. OK but does that mean she broke up with Josh and has already found someone new and I need to move on like I had already planned to do?

"OH! I'm sorry. I know you really liked him"

"Yeah I did" She looks at Rick and she can definitely see the hurt in his eyes "but it wasn't enough"

"After my mom was killed I built up this wall and until I deal with her murder and this wall comes down, I can't have the kind of relationship I want"

She is trying to tell Castle her deepest feelings but it is coming out in code as it always does.

"That special kind of relationship with a man. A man who has always been there for me and I will always be there for him. A relationship where we can be open to each other and never hide things from each other. Tell one another our deepest secrets. Our secret desires and hopes. A man who will always have my back, no matter what"

What is she saying to me today? Is she talking about me or some other man? Rick is still trying to understand her code. He has for the past four years been able to pull small pieces off the Beckett onion but never a complete layer and today is no different.

"I understand that you kept digging into evidence about the killer?"

"Yes I did but I handed it over to Espo to give to you. Did he not give you the file?"

"Lanie gave it to me. Esposito gave the file to her. They had it to keep it away from Gates. Rick you didn't have to keep digging into this you know?"

"I was your partner, your friend. That's what partners do"

"Rick, I still want you to be my partner and my friend"

OK Those words were perfectly clear. I see how it is now. She wants me to stay a friend and partner. But that's all she wants from me. I wanted so much more but….

Alright then I will have to do just that. Smith said that I have to keep her away from her mother's case or they will try to kill her again. Since her case is also mine I will keep digging. I just won't tell her. If I get closure for her I get closure for myself too. She wins and I win

"Kate, if you read the file you know that I ran into a dead end on the bank records. A fire destroyed all the files"

"Can we start there and see who else is involved in the cover up of the fire"

"What cover up? The fire was old wiring"

"Are you sure?"

"That's what the evidence shows"

She is now torn between the wall surrounding her heart caused by her mom's case and her desire to be a complete woman with the man she knows that wants her.

Her voice gets lower "OK! Can you promise me that we will keep digging into her case?

"I promise"

"Thank you"

"Always"

She pauses briefly at that word. Then she stands up and walks toward his door and he follows. She stops with her fingers on the handle and turns to face him

She leans into his face then speaks in a low almost whisper "Thank you Rick" and then places a kiss on his cheek

She steps out to the hallway and he closes the door and leans back against the frame

Castle's heart begins to race and he can feel his eyes begin to burn

OH MY GOSH! She had to say and do that! That is exactly the same words and action I experienced those many years ago


	12. A Friends Perspective

**Please don't comment on Canon. I am drifting in and out**

* * *

><p>Kate's View<p>

I suppose that could have gone better. I suppose I should have opened up to him but instead of opening up, I found my words trapped in my throat just like always.

Why can't I be open with him? He has become so important to me and I hope I am as important to him as well.

OH Yeah! Did I just kiss him and just say 'thanks'? Why did I do that, WHY?

Why couldn't I just tell him what I wanted to say?

Because I am afraid!

He is more important than any man has ever been to me except my dad. But in fact he is coming close to that level of importance with me

That man told me that he loved me and all I could do is call him my partner, my friend. I can just imagine what he is thinking right now. He believes I want us to be friends, just friends? That is all he and I are now. JUST Friends! How shallow is that?

I need to talk to someone When I get home I will call Lanie and talk to her. She has always been my confidant and friend. She will shove me in the right direction.

I hope

#*#

* * *

><p>Rick's View<p>

That could have gone worse. I don't know how much worse it could have been but it definitely could have been better

She basically told me that I am just a friend and evidently she wants nothing more from me.

I remember Rhonda Jones, the girl I had a crush on in junior high school, telling me that she wanted to just be friends and I wanted more than friends. We talked every night. Saw each other in the hallway between classes. She ended up dating Ken Brown, the captain of the football team. And then crying to me when she caught him kissing the head cheerleader under the bleachers after homecoming

I guess that is what Friends are for. I am just someone for her to cry on my shoulder after she has been hurt. Why am I even thinking about this? We have been just friends for four years so I guess I must have a good shoulder for her to cry on.

What I really wanted instead of being that shoulder, I wish I had her head resting on my shoulder after a long hard day at the station. The two of us sharing a bottle of wine and a romantic candle lit dinner ending in a good night kiss. Or More!

Alright out of the dumps. You have just committed to stick with her and to protect her from the dragon. Even without being the love of her life, you are still her friend. Accept it and move on.

You know if you find her answer, you will have yours as well

*#*#

* * *

><p>"Lanie, can you come over?" Kate sends a text to her best friend<p>

A minute later the response arrives "Do I need to bring wine?"

"NO! Already half way thru the first one, second one in the cooler"

"On my way"

By the time Lanie arrives Katherine Beckett has changed into a soft pair of lounging pajamas and set put a plate of crackers and cheese to accompany the evening's selection of the grape

The medical examiner places herself on her usual stool beside the breakfast bar where she finds her glass already poured and waiting for her attention

"Well Kate. I can definitely tell that you have something on your mind. What is it?"

"He's changed. There is something different going on with Castle. I went by his place to try to talk to him and he wasn't the same as before. I tried to talk to him about our partnership and…"

"Kate, He got tired of waiting"

"Waiting? Waiting for what? What do you know about Castle that you're not telling me?"

"While you went missing on all of us after you were shot, he stayed around working on your case. But he did it like a man on a mission. He seemed determined to find the answer on your mother's murder and your shooting. But after he heard you returned to work he turned the file over to Javi. He said he would never bother you again"

Kate has a shocked look on her face "That's what I'm talking about. Why would he say that?"

"You got shot. You told him to leave you alone and you would call him. Then you show up three months later like nothing happened. What do you expect from him?"

Lanie can see her thinking

"Kate! What are you avoiding? There is something happening here and you are running away. What's going on?"

"Lanie, after I was shot I went into hiding"

"Yeah, everyone knew you took off and hid. You went missing and no one, including myself, heard from you except I am sure you stayed in constant body contact with Josh".

"No Lanie. I broke up with him. I did that before I even left the hospital"

Lanie is looking at her best friend in disbelief "So you broke up with your boyfriend and you what, spent the three months totally alone?"

She takes her wine glass and walks away from the counter a couple of steps

"Lanie, I needed time to sort some things out"

"What things?"

She is not sure what she needs to say to her best friend about what happened in the cemetery.

She stops walking and turns to face her best friend. She takes a deep breath before speaking

"When I was shot, Castle told me that he loved me"

"OH! WOW! He finally said it…out loud?" Lanie responds

Kate looks directly at the woman "What do you mean Finally?"

"Kate. The guy's crazy about you and you're crazy about him"

Then after the shocked look from Kate, Lanie continues "What? Is that some big secret?"

"YES! NO. Do you think he knows?"

"Kate. We all saw the changes in him over the last few years. And I know you had to see them too. You two spent way too much time together for you to miss it. No more bimbos hanging on his arms, no more ex sex with former wives. No more wild parties. No drunken hangovers at the precinct. Why you think that was? It was because he wants YOU"

The truth strikes Beckett firmly in the heart. She knows that her best friend is right

"But you had her head caught up in motorcycle boy so maybe you didn't. Or is it that you don't want him? Is that it?"

"Lanie, it's complicated"

"OK that's right! Everything is complicated to you... Wait! You said you went by his place and talked to him. Did you tell him that you heard his confession of love? Did you two talk about it"

"NO. I just couldn't bring myself to say anything to him"

"So you don't want him the way he wants you?"

"Yes, Lanie I do but I have my mother's case to deal with and until I close the books on that I can't have the kind of relationship I want"

"So what did you tell Castle about all of this?"

"We talked about my mother's case and I told him that I want us to still work together and for us to be partners…to be friends"

"That explains it" Lanie says to herself loud enough for Kate to hear

"Explain what?"

"Javi called me just after you did. He said after you left Castle's apartment. Rick called him and they had a long talk….About you"

Kate is choking up a little thinking about what could possibly be happening

"Espo said Castle said that there were forces out intent on killing you but Montgomery had friends that are now protecting you. Castle has promised these friends that he would keep you away from your mother's case at all costs including sacrificing his own happiness.

"What do you mean his own happiness?"

"He was planning on moving on since you don't want him but he has promised to protect you. So he is caught in the middle. Either he stays protecting you, as your friend, and he has no relationship with another woman or he steps away and watches you get killed. Since he loves you, he looses either way"

"What do I do?"

"What do you want to do?

Their train of thought is broken by Kate's cell phone ringing with a murder downtown


	13. A Friends Help

**A little uptick for the weekend**

* * *

><p>Kate takes the information from the phone and tells Lanie that they need to go to a crime scene. A man has been found impaled on one piece of art and a multimillion dollar piece is missing.<p>

Kate goes into her room and changes to her work clothes. When she returns to her living area, she picks up her cell to call Castle and tell him about the robbery, murder. When he answers the call Kate can hear another woman's voice on the phone

"Castle. Am I interrupting anything?" Kate asks. Lanie can see red flush up into Beckett's cheeks

His response is "Yes, but nothing…just a moment" Kate can tell he is turning away from the phone and speaking to someone there "Please, Yes. You will do that for me? Great, how much is the extra service?"

Again Kate hears a woman respond but he has his hand on the microphone and the voice is too low and to muffled to understand. Then she hears Rick respond "OK I want it all! Everything! Yes, give me the special. OK just one more minute and I will go with you"

Kate is not real sure she wants to hear anymore of what is happening "Sorry Beckett. I have a woman here giving me a quote for something. What do you have?"

"A murder and a robbery tied together somehow at the 57the Street Gallery"

"GREAT! Let me get my jacket and I will meet you there" and he quickly hangs up

Lanie is watching Kate's face fall. It is obvious that something she heard hit her hard "Girl, what is happening?"

"Nothing important! Let's go!" Beckett grabs her jacket and heads to the door. Once on the street, Beckett hands the keys to Lanie "I think I had one glass too many to be driving"

Lanie is not sure if Kate has had too much wine or she is too mad to be behind the wheel of a motor vehicle. The ME decides to keep quiet on the drive to the crime scene. When the pull up and get out of the car, Lanie stops Kate in her path

"Girlfriend! You have to stop all this. You have to tell him how you feel. This cannot keep going on. Listen Kate if you want him tell him. Don't speak in riddles, stop talking in sign language, and for Pete's Sake Stop sending up smoke signals. Grab him. Kiss him and tell him what you want from him and tell him what you want to give him. But do it now…"

Lanie's tirade against Kate is halted by the squeal of tires as a Red Ferrari rounds the corner and pulls up in front of the gallery and comes to a sudden halt. A woman's voice squeals almost a loud as the rubber of the tires.

The two women watch as Richard Castle jumps out of the driver's side of the sports car and a big breasted blond woman gets out of the passenger door and runs to the driver side and jumps behind the wheel.

Lanie turn to Kate "Or you might need to wait on that. What's that? I think I hear Ryan calling me" and she bolts off into the Gallery

Castle and the woman are talking but not loud enough for Kate to hear them but they are both laughing. The woman then speaks loudly as she readies herself to drive off

"See you later Rick" as she throws the machine into gear and speeds out into traffic

Kate doesn't even wait for Castle. She quickly walks into the galley without him. She can feel her chest tighten at the thought of what just took place outside. She quickly locates the ME.

"What does it look like, Lanie?" Kate asks

"It looks like you waited too long"

"The Vic. What about the Vic?" Beckett questions sarcastically

"He was shoved into this piece of artwork. The three spires impaled him. I would say he died instantly"

"Probably required someone strong? Probably a man?" Beckett asks

"No! A woman could do this if she caught him off guard. He might have fallen backwards into this"

A man's voice comes in" Hey! What do we have?" Castle asks

Kate is hurting so badly she does not even look up "Just your regular murder"

"This doesn't look to ordinary to me" He responds

Beckett looks in Lanie's direction "I am going to talk to the director" and she rushes away from the body

"Well writer boy, are you satisfied?"

"Satisfied? What do you mean Satisfied?"

"Come here" Lanie grabs Rick by the coat

"It has been a long time since the playboy was around but today you had to bring him back? Didn't you?"

"Lanie? What are you talking about?"

Pointing toward the outside door "Big Boob Blond in the Red Ferrari. That's what I am talking about."

Castle is looking at Lanie like he is totally confused in what she is talking about

"I don't understand" Lanie

"You show up here with a leggy blond in your precious car and you give up it to her to drive away in. Kate heard you on the phone discussing prices with her before you came to the crime scene"

Rick can feel the heat of Lanie's indignation pressing into his body

"I want to know what is happening with you and I especially want to know what is happening between you and Kate"

It takes Castle a minute to consider the answer to the question

"The car deal is really simple. Her name is Jacinta and she is a customer service representative for the dealership. She came to my place to pick up the car for its scheduled service. You know, oil change, tire rotation and so forth. And the prices we were discussing were having the car detailed. She is taking the car to the dealership as we speak. I have known her ever since I bought the thing.

"OH so the body parts being discussed were…?"

"Automotive"

"OK mister that doesn't answer my question about you and Kate"

Castle walks away from Lanie a few feet before turning back "Lanie there is no 'Me and Kate' There is only Kate and then there is only me. She has made it very clear that all she wants from me is to be my friend. Nothing more"

"For a man who writes stories and does so much research on his characters you are dense in your research on Kate."

"What do you mean?"

"Answer me this. How does Nikki Heat feel about Jamison Rook?"

"Lanie, what does that have to do with me?"

"Just answer the question. How does Nikki feel about him? Because that is how she feels about you"

"She has a weird way of showing her feelings. Pushing me away and not one word from her for three months. Anyway, Nikki's feelings toward rook are all from inside my head just like my desire for Kate. That is not how Kate is toward me"

"Castle listen carefully. I have known Kate Beckett for years and I have never seen her like this. Yeah she is afraid. Afraid of loosing someone she loves again. She has not loved anyone after her mother was killed She dated men just to keep you away. She knew if she had them around then you would keep your distance but now no one is there in the way. That wall is up to keep you out. She needs you but I know her. She will not be telling you any of this. But the only one who can break down that wall is you"

"She just wants you"


	14. A Fresh Start

Katherine Beckett has moved into an empty gallery away from the other investigators. She steps up close to an outside window and is gazing across the city skyline. She is wondering how this went so far down in such a short amount of time.

How did all this go so terribly wrong? Thoughts in her mind begin rushing faster than she can handle them

* * *

><p>For four years we had been moving ever so slowly closer then now all this has come down to THIS<p>

He has already taken up with another woman. A bimbo. A quickie one niter probably. She was there at his place when I talked to him. He was discussing her services

I thought he wanted me. I thought he was supposed to be in… In what? .Obviously not in love with me anymore

At least not Anymore!

Since he jumped that blond so fast

I wish we could go back to where we were before.

I wish he would tease me with his silly banter again. I wish he would look at me again like it did in the beginning. Oh I know he only wanted to bed me then but it was so much fun dragging him around

The look in his eyes when we were discussing the issues with marriage. How he said 'some people like institution but not the day to day'.

He said he hadn't found the right girl

How much I wanted to kiss him and be that right girl and I think he wanted me it be here too

The day he told me I smelled like cherries I wanted to kiss him again and I think if I had moved just another inch closer it would have happened but we were interrupted. Again. We were interrupted many times by the boys and cases.

That day was an experiment with my shampoo but afterwards I did change my regular bath oil to cherry because of that

The release party for Nikki Heat. WOW was that ever a night. Everyone there thought I was Nikki and when I saw the dedication, I wanted to kiss him again but he had to bring up the case and we fought.

Yeah we fought just like two high school kids trying to figure out where we stood with each other. Usually the more they fight early on the closer they will be later

Telling me good bye in the lobby after solving the case, I tried to say something but he reached out to shake my hand. Really? Shake my hand? Why didn't I just kiss him? He looked like he wanted it as much as I did

He seemed to always be there to protect the two of us from danger. Always there to give me a laugh or a good theory. There to cuddle and to try and keep me warm in that freezer or to disarm a bomb before the two of us were turned into a radioactive vapor cloud

The Little things like fixing my dad's watch will never happen again

Then there was that kiss in the alley. OH I wish I could have held that kiss forever.

Going undercover to chase down a drug dealer, I did wear one of my sexist micro dresses just to tease him. Yeah and I really did enjoy it when I caught him looking at my rear.

* * *

><p>She also remembers very well what he said to her the day Montgomery was killed.<p>

He was so right about dating men that she didn't love. She only dated them to keep Rick at bay WHY? Because she knew if she opened that door ever so slightly that he would drive himself completely into her heart and she couldn't let that happen.

She could not allow herself to fall in love with him because if something happened to them then she would not survive.

He told her she deserved to be happy but she was afraid to be happy.

WHY?

Because she already is in love with him!

All the tomorrows he spoke to her about them having together are never going to be.

Tomorrows that would not have been possible if it were not for their teamwork. Yes, they were a team. But they were way more than a team. They were way more than partners and definitely they had gone beyond being just friends. They were connected in ways that could never be described.

The more she thinks about the last few years the more the tears well up into her eyes. Her face is burning because of all the memories that will be gone now.

Now Castle is at the crime scene and Detective Beckett is way too emotional to face him at this time.

She is doing everything in her power to not let any more tears fall. She needs to get back to the other room to do her job but she knows he is in there.

She takes a deep breath and prepares to return to the task at hand when she feels someone's presence step up behind her. As she closes her eyes the tears that she has been holding begin to trickled down her cheeks when she hears his voice gently speak

"Kate"

"What you want" Kate answers softly

"I need to talk to you"

"Talk? Talk about what?"

"Us"

"There is no US"

"Is that what you want? There needs to be an US. Because I want there to be US and I believe you want there to be an US"

He reaches around her waist and pulls her back against his chest

'WHY? Why is he doing this? Is he wanting me to just crumble right here. Right now? I can't help myself. I lean back accepting is embrace'

"Kate I want more from us. I want us to be together again. I want to be…" He pauses in his statement

"What do you want Rick? You have your leggy blond. So what is it you want from me?"

"Kate. She is servicing my car. Not me"

"What?"

"She is the dealer service advisor. In fact I need a ride back there later to pick up my car. If you don't mind taking me"

Kate has hope again but knows that with all this he is wanting a lot more from her

"Rick, I can't be the woman you need right now. Like I said before I need to put my mom's murder behind me"

"That is fine Kate. I have something in my past that needs to be closed as well so I have a proposition…"

He turns her around to face him. She cannot tell what he is getting ready to do but he does not release his hold on her back and she sees that look in his eyes that have been missing for so long. That look of want or desire or is it really love she sees?

"We work on this together. You and me WE find the answers together, we move forward because I firmly believe that this thing between us is worth the time and the effort to do it right. Don't you?"

She suddenly feels as if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders and a giant smile crosses her face for the first time in days

"Yeah" she says with a tone of glee in her voice

"Alright then we agree that we are more than partners?"

"YES"

"We are more than friends?"

"YES"

"Then can we seal our agreement?"

He begins to lean into her face. She can feel her heart race and his breathing getting faster, she inhales and holds her breath as her eyes begin to close involuntarily.

A man's voice breaks the moment as they hear Kevin Ryan as he comes down the hall "Beckett, where are you? We have a lead"


	15. An Old Lover

Castle and Beckett quickly exit the gallery and follow the voice of the Irish detective.

"Here we are Ryan" Beckett says as the duo approach the younger man "What do you have?"

Fortunately the male detective did not realize that the two of them were alone in an empty gallery or he might have had a few questions of his own for them

"The curator noticed that one of the other items on display seems to have been moved so CSU is getting ready to check it out".

The three reenter the main gallery just in time to see the CSU team rolling in a scanner so they can begin a non invasive examination of the piece of art.

Castle walks up to the display that contains video cameras and monitors both working and non working. Beckett steps up beside the display and asks him if he is getting ready for his close-up.

Castle looks around at all the images of himself displayed on all sides. "No just wondering about is the significance of all this"

"Sometimes there is no significance. Sometimes it's just ART" She responds

The two are moving away to allow the CSU team to get their equipment set up

"Let me guess, art theory in college"

"The closest I came to art theory was posing for one as a model"

"Posing in…? 

"Not a stitch" Comes her reply causing Castle to gasp for air

She knows exactly what that statement just did to him and she loves it. Just like she is now willing to admit at least to herself she loves him too

They step back and watch the team examine the object then start the scan. That is when it is revealed that the missing item is hidden inside an empty compartment of the display that Castle has just stood beside

"Let's let CSU finish looking for fingerprints and DNA and let them book all the evidence in" Beckett comments "While we will go back to the station and start on the reports"

Beckett and Castle start for the door where they see Lanie supervising the loading of the body to transport him to the morgue

"Kate, can I talk to you a minute?"

"Sure Lanie" As the two women walk out to the dock

"OK girlfriend. Tell me that things are resolved and you two are moving forward"

"Lanie" Beckett whines a little then after a pause she finishes her sentence "we are moving in the same direction again"

"Good. Just keep it that way. What happened anyway?"

"Lanie, I have the feeling there is some giant hurt in Castle's past that seems to be driving him. I am not sure what but he seems wounded"

"Wounded, like you were wounded by your mom's death?"

"Possibly. Hey do me a favor, when you get a chance. Look into his past and see if you can find something"

"Why don't you get Kevin or Espo to do it?"

"First off, he is around them all the time and might see that they are looking into his past and second I can't tell them to do that without them knowing that I am doing this because Rick and I are getting…"

"Closer?" Lanie finishes the thought for Kate

Beckett just smiles at her best friend

"The talk you two had must have ended in something with a little extra?"

"Almost" is all Beckett can say "But like so many times before not quite"

When Beckett and Castle get into her cruiser Kate finally tries to open the door to Rick's past "Castle, when we were talking before, you said there was something in your past that you need closure to. Will you tell me what?"

She can tell this subject is bringing an emotional charge to the conversation. She is beginning to regret having even asking and she is wishing for a way to retract the question.

She is saved by the ringing of his cell phone. He takes the phone from his pocket

"Castle" and the listens intently "Great, it's ready. We will be there to pick it up shortly"

Kate looks across the car to her passenger "The Ferrari ready?"

"Yes they just finished it. Can you drop me there?"

"Sure, no problem" She responds thankful that this got her out of her quandary over her recent inquiry

Kate pulls up at the dealership and Castle exits the cruiser. She stays in her parking space for a moment and watches as the woman who had driven off in his precious sports car walks out the front door of the building. She is almost running out bouncing all the way toward Rick. This woman is using all her feminine charms and showing some of them off in her low cut blouse and very short skirt. She smiles up to him as she places his keys into his hand and then begins to walk around the vehicle obviously explaining the services they had performed.

A feeling flashes thru Beckett as she watches this female being overly flirtatious with Castle. This is a totally new feeling for Kate. In the past, she had small flashes of jealousy that she attributed to friendship issues but now as she is seeing him filling a new place in her life. She finds herself in a full blown desire to get out and tell that woman that she is laying claim on Castle and for that woman to just keep her grubby paws off of her man

She speaks out loud to herself "WOW Beckett! Where did that come from?" She puts her police car into gear and heads back to the station

Detective Beckett arrives at the fourth floor to find her partners taking a woman into the interrogation room

"Hey guys what do you have?" Beckett questions as the two detectives pass her on their way to interrogation

"Her fingerprints were found on the inside of the compartment and on the missing artwork. We have a suspect"

"Good going guys" Beckett says as she hears the elevator bell ring

She turns her head to see Castle exit thru the elevator doors. She thinks it is just her imagination, but he seems happy today. Unlike his appearance over the last few months there seems to be gladness in his face.

He is looking into the box and sees Ryan and Esposito facing a woman dressed very elegantly

"Suspect?" has asks as he points toward the viewing window

"Yeah, her and her estranged husband are fighting over the missing piece of art. She was hiding it in the display when the curator caught her. She pushed him into the spires. It was an accident so probably not murder one but close. So how's the Ferrari? It looked like Jacinta was taking good care of you and your car when I left you three"

He looks across the desk at Kate and smiles"Not near as well as you do"

It seems that if they get one body cleared someone else throws a body off a second story balcony

The ink on the paperwork is not dry before dispatch is calling with another victim. The team head out to a SRO on the east side where a man is on the ground below a broken out window

Once the medical examiner has made a preliminary examination of the body it will be returned to the morgue

Before they leave, Lanie is giving the detectives her initial report

"He was shot"

"So cause of death was a bullet wound?" Beckett questions

"He was also stabbed"

"What?"

"And strangled"

"Lanie which was the cause of death?"

"I can't be sure until I get him into the lab but there are broken bones and scars from many other injuries so this guy's body needs to be used in the next edition of 'Gross Anatomy'"

After Dr. Parish and the coroner van pull away Beckett looks at Castle "This one is right up your alley. Shot choked and stabbed. Pick a cause and win the prize" She quips

Castle is glad to see her smile again. Now if he can just find a way to give her and himself closure they just might be able to move on

Together.

Castle and Beckett walk back to her cruiser that is parked around the corner and out of sight to the other officers when they can both sense that something is terribly amiss. Just as they reach her car two men step up, one behind each of them and pull weapons from their coats. The pair are told to not try to escape and to come with them

Castle and Beckett find themselves in the back of a black SUV with no windows. They are given hoods and told to put them on and they will not be harmed.

The ride to wherever is taking no small amount of time. Beckett being a trained detective is trying to count turns and direction but figures very quickly that they are being taken in circles and are retracing their path several times to confuse their efforts to determine their final destination.

They finally find themselves in an elevator and it seems to be going down when finally their hoods are removed and they find themselves in a stark modern control room of some type. They only know that they have traveled very deeply underground. But where they don't know.

Kate looks around and finally says "Where are we?" to which Castle answers

"I…I have no…no idea"

A woman's voice seems to come from no where

"Richard Castle at a loss for words?"

"Sophia Turner" Castle says in a tone of complete knowledge

"Hello Rick! Welcome to the CIA"


	16. A Linked Case

The pair turns toward the voice "Sophia Turner" Richard Castle speaks aloud

Castle's obvious recognition of the sultry attractive woman with the long legs and slender body entering the room strikes a chord of jealously in Kate Beckett's heart. She tries to not show it on her face what she is feeling inside

"What's it been Rick? Ten Years?"

"Eleven and a half" He responds

Kate is feeling her insides tighten up as the conversation grows between these two former…? What should she call the obvious electricity crackling between them? Lovers? Romantics? Intimate knowledge? There was an attraction between Castle and this woman that could be felt by anyone who might be nearby.

When her ears return to the conversation taking place she hears that Rick had shadowed this woman at some time for one of his books.

"You're Clara Strike? The Clara Strike from the Derrick Storm novels?" Kate questions

"Well I like to think that I helped in some way in creating her"

"Well isn't that just grand" Kate states in a voice filled with sarcasm. She also recognizes that her heart is filled with jealousy over this woman that she just met.

Wow Jealously. That is a new feeling for her when it comes to him. She is not completely sure where this came from but and knows though she has no right to be jealous. Rick is not officially her boyfriend, yet. But they are moving that way. Before the last 24 hours Castle had never actually shown any interest in her, at least romantically, but now he said that this is what he is wanting and so does she. They are growing closer together and she is going to fight for him now

She must deal with this new feeling and get her mind back on her job.

"Well we are being illegally detained, at least I am" Beckett states while looking directly at Castle

"This is not a detainment. This is a debriefing. I think the commissioner will agree with me if you wish to call him" Turner points toward Beckett's phone

When she does not move to pick up her cell Sophia continues "Your dead body is tied to a current situation. You have inadvertently stumbled upon a CIA operation" Turner says

"The CIA is forbidden from operating inside the country so how can you be doing this?" Beckett asks

"The operation began in our Middle East field office where we were investigating the actions of a military contractor and the follow up to that brought us back here to the states"

"So who is the contractor and how is my victim involved?" Beckett asks

"Your victim was one of my covert operatives. The contractor is called "GrayStar Strategic. The are a paramilitary group. They hire former Special Forces members. Delta, SEALS and other well trained operatives to do things that are, shall we say, OFF the BOOKS?"

Turner walks up to a computer screen and presses a button and a picture with five images appears that catches both Rick and Kate off guard. There are pictures of five men, obviously taken from military personnel files. Two of images on the screen cause Rick to drop his hand to his side and reaches over to take a hold of Kate's hand. She accepts his offer and mingles her fingers into his in a firm grip from his hand.

Across the top row are two photographs then below are three other men. The top row images are pictures of Dick Coonan and Hal Lockwood. Below that row are three that they do not recognize. The images are listed as Cole Maddox, Fred Jacobs and Walter Sikes. Below the photos of Lockwood and Coonan, the image is marked 'Deceased'. Then under Maddox is listed as 'Location Unknown'. Finally the other two are noted 'Under Surveillance'

"What is this?" Castle asks

"You two know these men I believe" Turner responds

"We know two of them. One tried to kill Kate and did kill Captain Montgomery and Coonan is the man who actually killed Johanna and…" Castle stops his conversation short then finishes "We were trying to find out who hired him when she…" Rick looks at Kate

"Yes, we know about the shooting of Coonan. You shot him in the precinct I believe Detective before you found out who put out the contract on your mother" Turner then looks in Castle's direction as if asking permission to say something but his face only shows what can be called anger

Kate's face however is showing a high level of pain "What is going on here?"

"We have been looking into the activities of GrayStar Strategic for several years and have discovered they seem to have an agenda that goes over and above the listed specifications associated with their contract with the military. These men are following order from someone high up in the company."

"How so? Castle asks

"There is activity being ordered by someone very high up in the company, maybe even on the Board of Directors of the company, but they have put so many layers around him that we have not been able to breach the wall. We are hoping with your special skills, Rick, you might have some level of success in finding out who this is."

"Why do you think I could do any better than you have?" He asks

"Someone is pulling their strings and we believe finding that someone will bring you closure. Listen Rick, I know all about your little murder board at home and how you outlined this crime just like you do your novels. We also linked the two men and their deaths to you two because of the murders they committed. .I just thought since you have a vested interest that you might be willing to help. Rick will you help us?" Sophie Turner is looking into Castle's eyes just like Kate does and she can feel her skin begin to crawl just thinking about this woman having a history with Castle and wondering how deep it goes

"Yes we will" Castle answers without seeking approval from his partner causing her to cringe

"Good, now the man that was murdered was one of mine and the killer is probably one of these last three on the board. Most likely Cole Maddox. Since he is off the grid. If you find him, do not try to apprehend him. He is trained and will not hesitate to kill either or both of you. Let me know and we will take care of him. Agreed?"

"Yes we can do that" Castle again answers without asking Kate

Agent Danberg will take you two back to your car. And thanks again for helping in this" Sophia smiles at Castle like she is going to just grab him and drag him to her office and lose the door.

Beckett is seeing that there is definitely history between Castle and Turner and she does not like it one little bit

After the pair return to her cruiser and are traveling back to the station Kate is obviously upset over the recent events. "So you followed Sophia around?"

"Yeah I did"

"How long did you do research with her?" Kate asks as she turns in his direction and notices him staring out the window trying to avoid the answer

"A year" He finally responds after a long pause

In her mind she considers the answer and suddenly begins to wonder why he has never mentioned her before

As they exit the elevator her jealous side jumps out again. "You call a year a brief period of time? Have there been others?"

"Women?" He asks

"Muses. I am just wondering how big the club is"

"First there is no club. It was never the way it is between you and me. I just had a lot to learn and she taught me"

With a laugh "Yeah, I bet she did! Then why did you never tell me about her?"

"I wasn't allowed to. She is still an active agent and my relationship with her is… classified"

"Yeah! REALTIONSHIP!" Beckett realizes just how jealous that came out "Look never mind. We just need to find our killer and Sophia can have her case closed too"

"Who is Sophia?" Esposito questions as he and Ryan walk up in the middle of this conversation

"It's complicated" Beckett responds "What did Lanie find on our victim?"

There is a little problem there. The body disappeared right after Lanie got him back to the lab and Gates is on a rampage over it"

Beckett and Castle look at one another knowing exactly who took the body "Listen guys there is something happening here that we can't discuss"

"Yes something is happening here and I want an answer" the Captain steps up to the group

"Sir, I am sorry but we are under strict orders to not discuss the case with anyone" Beckett tells her boss "and I think that the Chief of Detectives will back me up on this"

"We will see about that" as Gates storms off toward her office

The other detectives look at the pair "OK spill! What's going on here?" Esposito looks like he is about to explode

"Guys it is all classified, but let me say we need to find our killer. What did CSU come up with?"

Esposito looks around and then pulls the pair into the conference room "They were able to get prints with no matches in the database and the DNA we pulled is not in the system, but we did get a hit on an open shooting"

"What case?" Kate questions

"Yours" Esposito responds "This is the same guy who shot you in the cemetery"


	17. A Rogue Investigation

Richard Castle is sitting at his desk in his study. Instead of his usual laptop open in front of him at the desk, he has an open book. The glossy surface reflects his eyes back at him. He turns each new leaf slowly as he gazes lovingly at what image is on these pages.

He has tried for so long to deal with his past. He is not sure how to let go of this, or if he even can. But he firmly believes that the end to his pain just might be near if he can connect totally with Kate. She is his salvation. If she only knew how much this means to him, how much she means to him

His cell phone rings breaking his thoughts away from the book. Caller Id says 'Blocked'

"Castle"

"Mr. Castle. Do you know who this is?" A deep smooth voice asks

"Mr. Smith. What can I help you with?"

"You agreed to keep Beckett away from her mother's case!" He says with a tone of displeasure

"Yes I did and she is staying away"

"Then who is digging into it at this very moment?" Smith asks with a stern tone in his voice

"I have no idea. Why do you think she is investigating?" Castle asks with true concern

"I have been contacted by the man responsible and he said that inquiries are happening that could only be happening from the police or other law enforcement and he is assuming it is her"

"I can assure that Kate is at home at this very moment and I have been able to convince her to just wait and let this all play out. Now if for some reason there is investigation happening she is not the one involved"

"Is there a way for you to make sure she is not doing this?"

"I can call her and see where she is but after she dropped me off here, she was going home and that was the last time I saw her" Castle is now becoming concerned that Kate has in fact returned to the precinct and opened her mother's investigation

"Can you make sure, and then send an e-mail to a blind mail drop I am going to give you?"

Castle is already putting his coat on and walking out the loft door as his caller is giving him the e-mail address "I will do"

In the cab ride, Castle is dialing Kate's cell but it is going to voice mail after a few rings so he is getting very worried that she might in fact be digging into the case and just ignoring his calls. He repeatedly tries to contact her all the way to her apartment

Once in her building he becomes super sensitive to his surroundings, vigilant to any movement or item out of place.

When he finally arrives at her door he can hear music playing inside. He reaches for the handle of her door and tries to turn it, only to find that the door is locked. He knocks firmly several times becoming more and more worried with each passing moment. He continues knocking and getting more committed as each minute passes without a response from her

His fears are quenched when he hears her voice from inside "Just a minute"

The door swings open and Rick is caught totally off guard. His personal feelings toward this woman keep him on the edge constantly but to see her standing just inside her door, hair wet and covered with only a bath robe, bare legs and feet he is just mesmerized.

"Castle! What's wrong?"

He is having trouble thinking let alone talking. He just wants to grab her and hold her and tell her that he is so happy she is unharmed but he knows that that would not be proper at this moment and especially not because of how she is dressed. She most likely would pull her gun and shoot him

But she does not seem overly concerned about her attire at this moment as she makes no attempt to find more cover. She realizes that he is probably seeing more of her exposed than he ever has before

"Rick, what's going on?"

"Can I come in?"

"Sure" She steps aside to allow him entry

"Kate, I got a call from Smith asking why you were investigating your mother's case. I told him you weren't. You're not are you?"

"Castle, I was in the tub, relaxing" That is very obvious based on her current attire

"Is that why I couldn't get you to answer your phone?"

Beckett walks over to the counter where her phone is plugged into the charger. She picks it up and shows the screen to Castle. There are 23 missed calls "Yeah I didn't hear it in the bath. Sorry"

Castle moves to the couch feeling much better over whether or not she was trying to investigate her mother's case.

"So Castle you thought I was investigating from the bath tub?" She says trying not to giggle at what she knows his brain is probably doing right now looking at her half dressed. She knows that she is being very flirtatious towards him and she actually feels comfortable acting this way now. 'We are getting closer now because of all this' she is thinking to herself

"Uh No Not me. Smith said that he thought you were investigating, not me"

"Well since it is obviously not me "She comments pointing at her current state of undress "who could it be?"

Castle looks off in the distance simply as a way to avoid looking directly at her "Maybe one of the boys?"

"No, I talked to Ryan just before I got in the tub. He and Javi had gone to The Old Haunt for drinks"

Castle takes out his phone and dials the number for the bar. After two rings the manager answers "Joey, its Rick. Did you see Ryan or Esposito tonight?" He listens for a minute "No that's fine. Don't bother them. When did they get there? OK fine. No. No message. Don't mention that I called, thanks" and Castle hangs up the phone

"Joey said they got there around 6:00 and are still there, so they can't be the one doing the investigating"

"So who is?" Beckett asks

"I don't know, Kate, but we will try to find out" Castle looks over at Beckett "We probably just need to sleep on it"

Rick quickly realizes how much that sounded like a proposition.

"I mean it's late and you probably are ready to go to bed uh…I mean I need to go and let you finish your bath…"

"Castle…" Kate stops short on whatever she is thinking of saying

"I know! I need to shut up now and leave" Castle says as he stands and moves toward her front door

"Rick!" She speaks firmly causing Castle to turn around at look at her

"Thank You for watching out for me, for caring, and being here for me"

"Always"


	18. A New Villian

**I struggled with this chapter because I want to keep my reveal for the end, so this is somewhat strange**  
><strong>Just a warning<strong>

* * *

><p>Castle returns to his loft and drops his jacket on the couch then he enters the kitchen and takes a bottle of water from the fridge and moves in the direction of his study.<p>

Things are getting better for her, for them. He is seeing a chance for him and her now. There is still plenty of bumps ahead but he now believes he ca navigate the rough spots.

His plan for now is to NOT do any research into Johanna Beckett's case just in case Smith is correct in his belief that someone is digging into this and it just might bring Kate into the cross hairs of the killer once again

He sits back down at his desk and lays his hand on top of the desk and is just looking down when he realizes that the book he had open earlier is missing. He knows he did not put it away before leaving earlier. When he hears a voice

"I see that you still keep this book around Rick?" He turns toward the voice coming from the bedroom where he sees Sophia Turner sitting on the edge of his bed with the book that he had open earlier and she is sliding her fingers across the cover

"What are you doing here and how did you get in? And what are you doing with that?" pointing to the book in her lap

"She stands and walks toward Castle who himself is moving her way

"Rick, I'm with the CIA. I can get into wherever I want to get into, including your loft. But don't forget that we did spend no small amount of time in this room" pointing toward his bed "and I still remember where you keep the secret key" As she holds up his spare key that he has kept hidden elsewhere in the building

"When he arrives at the middle of the room he reaches out to her hands. He takes the book and the key from her. He turns back to his desk placing the key on the top

"That was a long time ago and I was a different person back then and…"

Her voice cuts him off "Rick! It was not THAT long ago with us and as far as being a different person. You are still that person I knew back then. That egotistical self centered pompous jackass. You still chase skirts thinking that it will bring you relief from you misery or you still use the bottle sometimes and you still have the history that is in that book that you can't seem to let go of " pointing again at the his hands

He walks away from his desk and takes the book and places it back onto its special place on his bookshelf then puts a photo in a frame on top.

As he is doing that Sophia steps up to Rick's electronic murder board and touches the screen. The image of Kate Beckett appears in the center. Turner then touches the screen and watches as the screen expands to reveal all the known players in the Johanna Beckett murder

Ricks turns back around just as Turner continues her verbal barrage

"So, she knows about all of this?" pointing to the electronic murder board

Moving quickly to the defensive Castle responds "I gave Beckett a file that helps her with her case but no, not to this level exactly"

"Well Rick! You haven't changed then have you? So you didn't tell her all of what you have been doing or why?"

"I am stopping. I must stop now because…" He pauses

"Yes we know"

"Anyway, I am not that other man you knew anymore. I have been moving on lately. I stopped drinking and as far as women, I …"

"Yes I know. You have been chasing only this one woman" Pointing at the image on the screen ". Haven't caught her yet have you? Or do you think you ever will?"

"Sophia, you and I are old news. That WAS a long time ago and it ended badly so why don't we just leave it there and move on to the real reason you came here tonight. Was it to torture me over our last time together or are you planning something new?"

"I know. Someone else is digging into her case. That's why I am here. During our inquiries we uncovered evidence that GreyStar Strategic was directly involved in her mother's death"

"What? And what about my…?"

"Yes Rick, that too. That is why I brought you in. I know you have a vested interest so I wanted your help in this. You can take care of her and yourself and me as well. All in one move"

"Why didn't you just ask me while Beckett and I were there at the agency?"

"Because we believe we have a rogue agent involved and he is working with the leadership at GreyStar. This agent is still inside the agency feeding Intel to the top people at GreyStar. That is why I had to not tell you while we were there. He might overhear"

"Internal information that you have is being leaked to GreyStar directly by this rogue agent?" Castle asks

"Exactly! The agent that was killed earlier is a perfect example. He was keeping in close contact with his handler at the agency and had set up a drop to bring evidence in when he was killed. We think he had proof as to who is running GreyStar and the illegal actions they were doing but every time we got close, he was gone. We just missed him every time.

"The current head of GreyStar has been able to cover up all of his company's illegal actions and it also lets him conduct his own personal campaigns of terror and murder. Since the company has government contracts he has been able to keep just off the grid?" Castle questions

"But there was this last action that happened in the Middle East. It was a wake up call and it sent red flags up all over the intelligence world. That is when we got involved. We sent in an agent, I will just call him Brick. He was close to locating the head of GreyStar when he was murdered by who we believe was the head of the company. That brings us to where you and Beckett got involved"

"Who do you believe is in charge over there?" Rick has sat down at his desk "The man you are looking for. Who is he?"

"We have not been able to track that down but we believe that the man at the top is a former NSA operative. A man named Hunt, Jackson Hunt. The NSA claims they never heard of him but you know how these agencies are? Have you ever heard the name?"

After a smirk over claiming only the NSA keeps secrets, Castle comments "No I don't recognize him

Castle pauses a for a moment "Is he the one responsible for the murders?"

"Yes, we believe so. This Hunt individual is off the grid and we think he is in control of the business but now there are other forces more friendly toward us are trying to take over from him and these are the ones that we want in control. We believe they will stop the carnage"

"What type of carnage" Castle asks with no small amount of concern in his voice

"We currently think that he is planning an event that will cause an international incident. An assassination or kidnapping that will bring about a resurgence of the old guard from the former Soviet Union. A return to the days of the cold war.

Castle is trying to absorb all this. He was not quite old enough to remember when the Berlin Wall came down or to fully appreciate the ramifications of something like this

"This second group who are trying to take control and stop the coup are also covert operatives but they are with us"

"So the two groups struggling to take the reins are political opposites?"

"Yes, one side wants the return of Communism in Europe and the other wants to stop it"

"Do you know who is in charge of the second team?"

"Brad Larson is out man. He is the one we need to take control of the company"

"What don't you just shut the company down? Cut off the funding?"

"There are too many legitimate operations in process right now. We need them to continue?" Turner answers

"But what do you want me to do?"

"Investigate the murder of my man just like you and the NYPD would normally do. I can give you what information we have since we are prohibited from investigating…"

Castle cuts her off "Inside the United States you need the police to continue to find this Hunt fellow"

"Right the NYPD has all the jurisdiction they need. Rick this is important to the country but it is also important to me"

* * *

><p>The next morning at the precinct Castle brings Beckett his morning kiss for her in the form of a hot steaming cup of fresh coffee. She looks down at the cup then up to his face<p>

"Good morning Castle" she smiles at him just a tiny bit. She honestly believes they have jumped a giant hurdle in their friendship and she wants to give him a gentle poke like she did in LA "Trying to pick up a new girlfriend?"

"Between girlfriends right now but I am open to recommendations for a new one if you have someone in mind"

She didn't realize how large a door she opened with that comment, but he definitely drove thru it

"Kate, I have information about your killer" Castle pulls out a note from his pocket "And it appears that he may also be the one investigating your mother's case"

"Where did you get that?" Pointing at the note

"From Sophia Turner…last night…at my loft"

A chuckle leaves Kate's lips "OH Right! Sophia Turner at your loft? In your bedroom I suppose!"

There is more than just hint of jealousy in Beckett's tone of voice

"Yes! I mean No, Not like that. She was there when I got home and we talked about GreyStar. She thinks the head of the firm is planning on an assassination and is the one digging into your mother's murder" Castle tries to escape the pit his mouth created

"So what is this?" pointing at the note

"Bank account information on the company. This might lead us to the head of the business. She said his name is Jackson Hunt and we need to find him and stop him before he starts Word War 3"


	19. A New Target

**Alright. I hope everyone can follow the bouncing ball**

* * *

><p>"Hey Ryan Hey Esposito, I need you to look into the financial records related this account" As Beckett hands the paper to her two partners. Then she turns back to pound on Castle just a little bit more<p>

Beckett turns her attention back to her partner

"So Turner came to see you last night?" Beckett states with fire in her eyes

"Yeah she did"

"Was she waiting in the bed when you got home?"

"No…uh…she was… uh…on the bed. Ni IN the bed" He is realizing anything he says right now will be taken wrong

"OH. On the bed, getting ready to get in the bed?"

"No she was not getting in the bed, she was just bringing me the information and she was sitting on the bed"

"Which one, Martha or Alexis let her in?" Kate is poking at him with every word she speaks

"No she used her…" he stops again.

He wanted to say used her CIA connections but it came out wrong

"Oh she used her personal key to your place?" Beckett digs into him a little deeper

"No she didn't have a personal key, she knew where I hid the spare" Castle is realizing that there is nothing he can say right now that will let him escape her interrogation at this moment

"OH! She knows your special secret key hiding place? I guess that she still uses it often?"

"No she doesn't use it often. She used it…"

"You slept with her?"

Castle has realized that he is in way too deep to try and wiggle out "Not last night"

"Oh! Just not last night but before?" Kate is feeling her skin start to crawl. What began as a good natured kidding has turned around into full blown jealousy on her part.

"It was a long time ago. Long before I met you, I was a different person back then and there was a reason it happened but I am not wanting to talk about it. OK?"

Beckett's planned response is interrupted by Ryan walking back to her desk "We found something very interesting on the company and the people there" Ryan looks at his notes "They have several accounts at New Amsterdam Bank and Trust but they are linked to several off shore accounts. Over the past twenty years there has been a lot of activity. There are some very large deposits in and transfers out of the account on a very regular basis"

"We figured that Kevin, what is so special?"

Ryan turns toward Esposito then back to Beckett "We found a one hundred thousand dollar transfer to that same account that Castle put the money into on the Coonan case and another transfer of the same amount made to Hal Lockwood"

Esposito takes a deep breath "Kate. This company is linked to your mother's murder somehow

Beckett's face drops and her eyes go dark

"Also, Beckett the attempt on your life that just happened"

She looks back up "How do you know?"

"The latest transfer was made to a Cole Maddox the day after Captain Montgomery was killed"

"Alright guys, we know that the company is linked somehow but who is at the top?"

"According to what Sophia told you, this Jackson Hunt is involved. So we believe he is the one at the top and the one who is planning to start the cold war back up and it appears that he is involved in the attempts on your life" Ryan continues

"Guys, keep digging. Try to find the headquarters of the company. Local staging area anything that gives us a jumping off point. Then get back to me" Beckett is obviously upset by the latest revelations

Beckett stands up abruptly and begins walking toward the break room. Castle has to almost run to catch her.

"Castle I am going to just get a cup of coffee"

"Kate! Stop just a second" Castle reaches for her arm. She pulls beck in a jolt when he tries

"CASTLE!" She halts then looks back at her partner

Castle looks around through bull pin then pulls Kate into an empty conference room. He closes the door, locks it, then closes the blinds

"What are you doing Rick?" Beckett questions

"Kate, what are YOU doing? I can see the wheels rolling inside your head. I have known you too long. You are planning on locating this Jackson Hunt fellow and confronting him head on. Right?"

Beckett looks up at Castle and sees something that scares her more than anything she has ever witnessed. More than facing murderers. More than being shot in the chest. She looks and sees True, honest and complete love and concern for her welfare from this man.

"Castle! I have to do this. I have to find him. I have to find out why he killed my mom"

"Kate. Please don't try doing this alone. At least don't go running around the house carrying the scissors. We are all here to help you. All of us, Ryan, Esposito, Lanie..."

"What about you Rick?"

"You already know" He responds as he moves to put himself directly in her personal space.

There is a knock on the door "Beckett are you in there?" comes the voice of Esposito

"Be right out Javi" She says in a loud voice then in a much lower voice directed to Castle only "Yeah! I know and we will be dealing with that soon"

Beckett turns and opens the break room door

"What do you have, Esposito?" as the three move quickly to her desk

"We found an office in Queens listed to Trans Global Consulting. That company is owned by National Recovery. It is managed by Cayman Islands Security that is the parent company of GreyStar"

"What a line of shell corporations" Castle comments

"Yeah and it has active phone lines and electricity. So we think it is a real place not just a front. We called over to the 33rd and they had uniforms drop by and they confirmed there was activity inside. Someone is there"

"You and Ryan head on over there Castle and I will meet you"

"Got it" as Javier and Kevin head out

* * *

><p>.<p>

The telephone rings on the desk. A tall graying man with a short beard picks up the instrument and answers "Yes Claudia"

He listens for just a moment "Very good, thank you" and he returns the handset to the cradle. He looks across his desk at the individual sitting opposite him. This individual is much younger and has shorter dark brown hair and no facial hair at all

"They are moving forward with the plan. They have taken the bait and acting as if they know our intensions"

"What do you need me to do right now?" The younger man says

"Move on to the next phase. Locate a suitable nest to set up for the sniper. If you get ready today then we have time to arrange the escape route"

"Yes sir, I will have a couple of locations for you to review and then you can decide on one"

The younger man stands and walks to the door to get ready to leave then turns back to the senior agent "Sir, are you sure this is what we should be doing? I mean this is way outside the normal orders we get"

"The older man stands from his desk and moves to the window "Brad, I have my orders and they are very specific. What I have been told it that the plan has a more far reaching outcome. An end game that we do not see but will prevent the world from being sent down a dark path toward world destruction"

"Its just we have NEVER been ordered to kill a…" The asset cannot even bring himself to say the word

Jackson Hunt looks back to the younger man, "As I said, we have our orders. I may not like them or I may not want to do it, but this is the job I signed on to do and I will follow through to the best of my ability"

The younger man leaves the room. Leaving Hunt alone looking out the window. He turns back to his desk and makes a call.

He speaks into the phone "Claudia, close down and scrub. Leave nothing that will lead them to us"

He hangs up the phone. Opens the desk drawer and takes out a Glock 19 and a photograph. He places the weapon in a holster and the photo in his pocket. Turns and leaves the room locking the door behind him

* * *

><p>.<p>

The three officers and one civilian pull up to the building and enter. Moving with police precision they exit the stairs on the second floor. Beckett is in the front as they turn the last corner in the direction of the office. She signals to the three others to wait while she tries the door.

But before she can clear the last blind corner there is a loud explosion and the entire floor is engulfed in smoke and debris as the wall to the space they wanted entry into is blown completely out and into the hallway

The four exit the building coughing and spitting.

"I think we were expected" Ryan speaks thru his congested throat

"I Think you're right, Kevin" Beckett continues "Let's get CSU and the bomb squad down here and see what they can find"

"Castle is slowly walking out behind all the rest of them. He is holding something in his hand

"What is it Castle?" Beckett asks

Rick holds up a photograph and turns it facing the other three

It contains a photo shopped image of Martha, Rick, Kate and Alexis. Each in a different corner of the paper

Kate looks from the picture to Rick's face "What is this Castle?"

"It was in the debris of the office. I found it in the hall, on the floor"

He looks up to Beckett's eyes "Kate? Are we all in a hit list?"


	20. A Misdirection?

"What were you four doing? Captain Gates is furious when she arrives on the crime scene

"Sir, we were following up on a clue and had no idea that the place was booby trapped" Beckett answers her boss

"What clue were you following up on? I understood we had little to go on with your case" Gates continues

Beckett is hard pressed to respond to her boss' questions without divulging the source of her information or why they were at this location

"Sir, Castle brought some information in that led us here and…"

"WHAT information? Where did he get it? And why did he have it and not one of you?" The captain is obviously on a rampage

"I gave it to Rick" Sophia Turner answers as she and a male agent step around the corner and confront the captain

"And just who are you?" Gates asks with determination in her voice

"This is Agent Sophia Turner" Castle responds

"AGENT Turner?" Gates is looking at the woman

"Yes captain, I am with the CIA"

"CIA? And just what do the spooks have to do with all of this?"

"Captain I am not at liberty to discuss the details of the current case with you, but when I can you will be read in" Turner looks at the other four and directs them to step away from the other officers.

Once they are a safe distance away she speaks back up "What happened here?"

Beckett responds first "We tracked down the business based on the information you gave to Castle. We determined the company has offices in this building. And just as we came around the last blind corner there was an explosion"

"Have you found anything inside?" Turner questions

"No! CSU has just begun their search" Ryan answers

Sergeant Andrews from CSU steps up to the group "We have two bodies inside. Both male one is older probably 60 to 65, grey hair and a beard. The other one is mid thirties close cut haircut. Almost a buzz cut, no beard. Dr. Parish has begun examining them as we speak"

"That description sounds like Jackson Hunt and Cole Maddox" Sophia comments "If that is true then we may have just stopped the plot we discussed earlier. Keep me informed and until we have a final solution, this is still on a need to know basis"

Sophia Turner and the man, Agent Jones, turn to walk away when she says to Castle "And Rick! Thanks for everything" and she gives him a large smile

That last statement causes Beckett's face to glow ever so lightly and if looks could kill then the glare Kate puts on the back of Turner's body would be deadly

"OK boss, it sounds like this is over. At least as far as the threat to the country" Esposito comments

"Guys, I am not so sure" Castle comments with a tone of disbelief

"What are you thinking Castle?" Ryan asks

"She was way to willing to accept that the two bodies were the men we are looking for. She didn't say that she wants them sent to her lab. She didn't ask us to rush the identification. She told us who she wants us to think these two they were"

"Right! Go tell Lanie to take prints and tissue samples before they transport the bodies. The last body vanished and we had nothing. If something happens this time we will still have at lease some physical evidence to go by" Beckett tells Esposito

"Got it" as the detective heads into the blown out office space

"Castle you don't think that the CIA would try to steer us wrong? Do you?" Javi asks

"I think they have their own agenda and we are just pawns in their game" Castle answers

"I am going to watch over the transport" Esposito states as he walks back into the offices

Castle and Beckett move toward the elevator. Once inside the cab Beckett turns to Castle "Rick, I know I have no right to ask but…" Beckett stops mid question

He is looking straight ahead when he answers "It was long time age and it was a mistake. A big mistake on my part"

"So…You two were…In Love?" Beckett asks not real sure she wants to hear the answer

"No! That's not what happened" Castle responds quickly

"What was it then?"

Castle turns and looks into Kate's eyes. He sees a level of pain that he has not seen in her face before except when talking about her mother's case. He does not want her feeling this way anymore

"No Kate. We were NOT in love. Love had nothing to do with what happened with her and me"

"Rick, what was it then? I see the way she looks at you. She has feelings for you"

Castle turns to face Beckett and sees the pain growing. Three years ago after he first met Beckett, he would have jumped at the chance to grab her and just use her like he did with so many other women over the years but now… Now he is wanting something different than just a pain killer

"What is it Rick? What has happened to you? What is happening with US?"

Just as Castle is preparing to answer her question with the truth from his past the elevator doors open on the first floor and four transport people are standing there with two gurneys to move the bodies

The lower floor is filled with fire personnel and police. Along with Captain Gates who appears to be waiting for them

"May I talk to you two?" She speaks with the tone of her authority

"Yes Sir" Beckett responds as the three walk to the rear lobby and some sense of privacy

"Listen! I don't care about orders or secrecy or whatever history Mr. Castle and that woman have. I need to know what is going on here. I almost lost my three best detectives today and I want answers"

Kate looks at Rick just briefly

"Sir, Agent Turner pulled Castle and me in and gave us a story that would scare any sane person. She claims they have a rogue agent out there who is working on destroying the peace that has existed between the US and Russia for the last two decades and by doing so cause the resurgence of the old Soviet Union and the Cold WAR and this agent is somehow involved in the business that was in this building but from the current debris, I am assuming he may be dead"

"CSU found two bodies in there" Castle comments "But I think Turner is leading us to believe they are the rogue agents she described to us are there"

"I am assuming that you don't believe her?"

"Sir, I think she is living in a world of lies and it is so easy for her to lie, telling the truth is difficult for her"

"What do you plan to do now? Gate asks

"Lanie will get them in the lab and we will find out who they really are then move on from there" Beckett responds

"Very well detective, Mr. Castle. I understand that CSU found a large trove of photographs in the office. I hope you can get some clarity from them"

"Yes sir, me Too"

Castle and Beckett are in her cruiser on their way back to the station when Beckett opens up again

"Do you have any thoughts that will help in determining the next move?"

Castle is holding the photograph he picked up from the floor.

"There were a lot of papers and other items but we have to examine each one before we determine what to do next"

The pair ride in silence back to the precinct. Both are afraid of continuing the conversation that they began in the elevator

.


	21. A New Direction

When Beckett and Castle arrive back on the homicide floor they find their partners going over boxes and boxes of evidence from the building that had just been blown up

"What do you have?" Beckett asks

"Nothing really" Ryan answers "Lots of paper from files. Photographs and applications. This looks like a bunch of personnel files".

"Personnel files? You mean like a Human Resources department?"

"Yeah. It looks like all this was just the HR office for the company" Esposito comments

"So we didn't find the actual main operations office" Beckett states as a fact "OK so where is the main office and why was Sophia so determined we found this Hunt fellow?"

"She is doing misdirection" Castle responds "She wants us to believe we found the headquarters and operations group leader when all we got was a clerical office"

Then he pauses "and probably just an HR manager. Someone who knows nothing about what they really do there"

"Why would they have a personnel office when they are involved in clandestine operations?" Ryan questions

"Perfect cover" Castle answers "They have an HR department that handles all the usual legal stuff, you know, vacation, sick time, 401K life insurance, payroll. I mean these people maybe killers but they still want to be paid. I know I would want a check if I were being hired to kill people"

Esposito laughs at the comment

"Listen, I am aware that businesses like this exist. I was approached just before my tour was up about joining a group like this one. Maybe it was even them, I can't be sure. They never said the name of the company and I didn't ask but I told them I was finished being a sniper after my duty was over I wanted no part of that life"

"So you became a cop?" Castle has a funny look on his face

"OK so they pull soldiers that are getting ready to return home and hire them to do dirty deeds? What makes someone want to do this?" Ryan asks

"Simple, Money! They pay big money to these people. They are well trained and the ones they hire have no issues killing people" Esposito explains

"Yeah, like my mother" Beckett comments under he breath.

She spoke so quiet that only Castle heard her comment. He looks across the corner of her desk and her eyes catch. Her lips turn up ever so tiny

Beckett continues "Alright, we have found a personnel department and we have two bodies that should give us leads. Let's try to put together these files and maybe find out who is involved"

The rest of the afternoon was spent putting together a puzzle of names. Photographs, W-4 forms and applications for insurance. One help they found was there was copies of photo id's with names and images that gave them a starting place.

The voice of Kevin Ryan breaks the silence in the bull pin "Beckett!"

At that comment everyone looked up from the table "Yeah?" She answers

"I just put together a couple of these files on based on the images and the applications these are fake"

"What do you mean fake?" Castle responds

"The photo ids like the drivers' licenses and the applications are not the same people. The DL's belong to real people but the pictures on them are not the true owner"

The group is looking at the computer screen that Ryan pulled up from the state license department and the ids from the files and they don't match.

"Every one I pulled is the same" Ryan states

"We are running into misdirection on every turn" Beckett states "I wonder if Lanie has anything? Castle and I will go there and see. You two keep putting together these pieces"

Rick and Kate get into the elevator and head down to the morgue. They are riding in silence. Both are afraid of opening a new conversation about the change in their feelings that is growing each and every moment they are together. They want answers to the current case, but they are both afraid that the answer might be the catalyst that either brings them together or possibly breaks them apart

* * *

><p>The morgue doors swing open and the pair enters to find Lanie standing over a body finishing her paperwork.<p>

"Hey you two" Dr. Parish begins the conversation "what brings you down here?"

"Lanie, we wanted to see what you have on the two Vic's we found at the office building downtown"

"Your timing is perfect. I am just getting ready to start on the first one" Lanie looks at her notes and turns to the tech "Go bring me John Doe 87. He is locker 16"

"Got it Doc" the very large assistant responds as he turns toward the storage refrigerator with Castle following him close behind.

When Castle disappears around the corner Lanie looks at her best friend with a glint in her eye "Girl, has something happened with you and writer boy?"

"Writer Boy? No! Why?" Beckett responds with a look of terror

"I don't know. There seems to be a different aura about you two"

"What do you mean Lanie?"

"I'm not sure" The ME responds "You two just seem a little different somehow. Have either of you had something nice happen in your life?"

Beckett's phone rings at that very moment saving her from an answer Caller id says Ryan

"Perfect timing. What do you have, Ryan?" Beckett listens for just a moment

"What? We're on our way" Beckett hangs up the phone and looks back to Lanie. Ryan has something strange happening. We need to go back to the bull pin" Beckett yells across the morgue "Castle you comin'? Ryan has something"

"On my way comes the voice as he rounds the corner and the two head back to the elevator leaving Lanie standing beside the autopsy table

"Those two better get together before I'm too old to be a bride's maid" Lanie speaks to herself

* * *

><p>Back on the fourth floor Castle and Beckett are rounding the corner and walking to where the guys are going over papers and pictures<p>

"You said on the phone something is wrong" Beckett asks

"None of this stuff is real. Nothing"

"Did you say Nothing?" Castle asks

"I mean none of this paperwork is real. All the names are fake, all the driver's licenses are fake, all the W-4 forms are fake. Nothing we have put together is real. It is like this stuff is set dressing for a movie or TV show"

"And the two men that were found in the debris were temporary help hired from an agency" Esposito continues

"Beckett looks at the man questioning "How do you know?"

"The fingerprints that Lanie took were in the system. The company they work for hire only qualified people and they do background checks so these men were in the database"

"Castle, your girlfriend has us chasing our tails while she is doing something else. They want us away from whatever they are really involved in" Beckett states

Ryan and Esposito both look at Castle. Esposito finally makes the accusation

"Girlfriend?"

"OK we slept together, It was a long time ago. What's the big deal?"

With an obvious tone of jealousy in her voice Beckett responds "It's no big deal! Sleep with whoever you want. The more the merrier" She waves her hands with the last comment

Before anyone of the group can comment the four are interrupted by the sound of a young woman's voice clearing her throat. They all turn to see Alexis has walked up behind them. She is looking at Beckett like she wants to get into a cat fight with Kate

"Alexis! What are you doing here?" Castle asks his daughter

"This package came by courier for you at the loft. The note says that it is for your eyes only and requires immediate attention"

Castle takes the plain manila envelope from his daughter and opens it. Inside he finds a type written note and several other pages filled with information

* * *

><p><em>'You are being sent down a path that is dangerous and could cost you yours and Beckett's lives. You are being misled. Do not believe everything you are told. The information in this envelope is true. But Use it with caution<em>

_Signed,_

_Your Father_

_PS Remember Casino Royale?'_

* * *

><p>"Castle what is this? Your father? I thought you did not know who your father is?" Beckett says<p>

"I don't. But the reference to the spy book would explain something in my past"

Castle looks at the guys "Can you try and see where this came from? The courier, the paper, the printer used to make the note? Anything"

"Got it Castle" Ryan dons a pair of gloves and then takes all the paper from Castle. He and Esposito walk off leaving Castle, Becket and Alexia beside the table

It is evident that there has been some high level of tension generated by the events of today

Beckett looks at Rick's daughter "Alexis can we talk?" as Kate points to the conference room

Beckett closes the door as Alexis turns toward the detective "Alexis, I am sorry that you were a witness to my little outburst out there but I…uh"

"Detective, don't worry about it" The young red head comments "But my dad is in enough pain and I would appreciate it if you did not add any more to him"

"Alexis, I don't want to add to anything but I have to tell you that I don't understand him either. He seems very different. There has been a change . He is different now than when we first met"

"Oh, he is very different now. He has changed so much since he met you I can't tell you how much"

"Changed? Changed how?"

"Detective, he has a history. A very painful history! I was not supposed to know about it but I found out a couple of years ago what happened"

"What happened to him?" Beckett truthfully wants to know

"I promised grams that I will never tell so I must protect his secret but what I can tell you that your history and his are connected"

"What?"

Hopefully he will tell you but let me say that meeting you has been really the best thing that ever happened to him and…"

Alexis stops in her statement "Detective! Please don't hurt my dad. He is madly in love with you"

"I know".

Kate lowers her head and turns away as she says to herself

"Me too"


	22. A Final Target

Richard Castle watches as his daughter and the woman who he has now fallen completely in love with walk into the conference room for a private meeting out of his earshot. The two women are not acting like there is any problem and their body language is calm. They are obviously talking quietly to each other. There is no yelling. Castle is not seeing actions from either woman indicating high emotions of anger.

This apparent connection makes him very happy

His thinking about the women is interrupted by Ryan walking up

"Hey Castle! The note you gave me is strange all by itself"

Without looking away from the two ladies Castle responds "how's that Kevin?"

"There is no electronic serial number in the printing"

"Do you mean it is not from a Laser printer?"

"No, it's from a laser printer but it has no serial number. It's ESN has been stripped so there is no tracking data"

"What does that mean?" Rick finally looks at the detective

"It means it is probably from a government owned printer" Esposito answers as he is walking up "I also started tracking the information that is in these papers and I am being led down a totally different path than the one you and Beckett started on"

"What different path?" Beckett asks as she too joins the group

Kate walking up causes Castle to look up and then over toward his daughter who is now moving in the direction of the elevator. Before she steps out of view she turns to her dad and gives him a large smile. Castle believes that Alexis is trying to tell him something with her facial expression. She waves her hand then gives him a fast thumbs up as she disappears behind the elevator doors

Esposito looks at his notes "According to the information the man who said he was your father gave you tracked GreyStar's parent company is Cayman Island Security, but then the umbrellas corporations change. Cayman Island Security is a subsidiary of Northeast Development Company that is a division of Fast Case Dynamics that is a wholly owned operating company of Sureflow Holdings"

"You mean the trail Turner gave is different from this one?" Beckett asks with a suspicious tone in her voice. She looks up at Castle as if to ask for an answer.

Castle shrugs his shoulders in response

"Totally different but this one seem more realistic" Ryan responds

"How deep does this go? Is it another dead end?" Castle finally asks

"That it the end if it. But this is also where the entire trail blows up. Sureflow Holdings is a publicly traded corporation and it has multiple stockholders"

"Stockholders? You mean any one of us could own stock?" Castle questions.

"Right but most of the stock is held in various retirement accounts"

Beckett is looking at the long list of account holders "How can we track any of this down? These are all different accounts, different holding companies and, I assume, different retirees. Whoever set this up has covered their tail very well" She says

"Somewhere there must be a listing of the directors, officers, registered agents. Something with a real person's name that we can follow" Castle states

"The corporations are registered in five different states from Delaware to California" Ryan responds "But I have the White Collar Crimes Unit looking into this trying to find an answer"

"Do any of the companies have offices in New York?" Beckett asks

During the conversation Esposito has been on his computer "No, but there is a small brokerage firm in an office building on Canal Street. It has handled several transactions for the accounts listed as the account manager for a few of the retirement accounts. I'll get you their address"

"Hey guys look at this" Ryan speaks up abruptly. He has been reviewing the evidence list "This list is the items pulled from the pockets of the men from the building. There was a photograph of a family. A woman, a man and a young boy. The young boy is got a red circle around his face"

"This must be the target Sophia told me about. But who is he?" Castle asks

"Alright, guys you keep working on that. Castle and I will go to the office on Canal Street and see what we can find out, In the mean time you two keep digging" Beckett tells Ryan and Esposito as she and Castle head to the elevator

Once the door close Castle turns toward Beckett "Kate. What was that with you and Alexis?"

Beckett never moves her eyes from the door "Nothing Castle. I just apologized for my little comment about you and Sophia being lovers"

With a flustered tone Castle responds "We were not lovers. Actually it was a mistake. We had this attraction...A really, really strong attraction" He holds his breath "It was wrong. I…we should have never gone there. The attraction was all we had. Nothing else existed between us. Once we did it, all the tension was gone and it never came back. It was…just say I am glad it finally ended"

Beckett finally looks up at Castle "There has been an attraction between us too. Is that why you have never tried to make a move on me?"

But before Kate can finish her question the elevator doors open a group of officers enter the cab heading to the basement. The group starts up a chat with Castle and Beckett about the Yankees game scheduled for that night. By the time they all exit in the garage level the urgency of Beckett's question has been squelched

The pair pulls up in front at the office address provided by Esposito and get out on the street. When they enter the building they are challenged by the security guard at the desk.

He requests identification and tells them that they have to be announced before they can go up to the floor. The guard gets the authorization to allow the pair into the building and directs them to the elevators around the corner

Castle and Beckett enter the car and before they can even push the button for their floor the elevator doors close and the cab starts to move. This is not what either of these two was expecting.

When the elevator door opens they come face to face with Sophia Turner and Agent Jones.

Turner looks at the pair "What are you two doing here?"

Castle and Beckett are taken totally off guard by the presence of these CIA agents

"We are following a lead" Beckett states

"What Lead? Where did you get a lead that brought you here?" Sophia asks with obvious distaste in her voice

"We received a tip about a business in this building"

"An anonymous tip that told you to come here?"

"Yes! Why?" Beckett asks

"This business you asked about is a company store. That's why" Turner says with a large amount of anger in her voice "We have been running this business as a dummy front just to have a presence. The business is not a real business. It is only a front of us to work out of"

"So it is not the…" Castle starts to say the name of the next business they discovered

"GreyStar?" Beckett finishes

"No. They have no connection with this" Sophia states

A hallway office door opens and a man steps into the space "Sophia we just got a hit on Cole Maddox. He has been spotted at the hotel across from the Russian Mission close to the UN Building"

"GREAT!" Turner says turning toward Castle and Beckett "You two come with me" and she turns and rapidly walks toward the open door. And keep your mouths shut!"

Once the door closes she turns around to the couple "You realize that you now have knowledge of this operation and you will be sworn to secrecy. You can never divulge any information about his operation under threat of punishment for treason? You understand?"

Both Castle and Beckett respond in the affirmative

Once the corridor door is closed they move into the back hallway and finally into an operations room. There are monitors on the wall. Speakers in the ceiling with all type of audio are being directed to operators at consoles around the room. They move to one specific turret where there seems to be a live video feed and they hear the field operative talking to someone that Beckett and Castle assume must be each person's handler

"This is where it all happens" Sophia says while pointing at the monitors and consoles around the room

"We follow several subjects at any one time. Right now we are looking at the men I told you about earlier"

"So you found Maddox?" Castle asks

"Not sure yet! He seems to know before we do that he is being followed and he slips out of our hands every time"

Agent Jones steps up next to Sophia and whispers into her ear. She looks back at him then speaks out loud to the entire room

"Put it on the main screen" Sophia directs

The central screen comes alive and the image of people walking in and out of a building appears. When one particular person show up central on the screen Castle speaks

"That's the people in the picture"

"What people? Turner asks

"We found a picture in the pocket of one of the victims at the explosion. It was that couple and that little boy. The little boy's face had a red circle around him"

"Are you sure?" Sophia has a panicked look on her face

"Positive. I never forget a face" Castle responds

"He is part of the Russian consulate" Sophia turns to the rest of the room "We have information that the Russian attaché and his family are the target"

She turns back to Beckett and Castle "He is scheduled to meet with a US Senator at his Hotel in an hour and that is when the attack must be planned while he is in the presence of a US representative"

She turns back to the room again "Everyone, let's be on out toes. We have to protect them and make sure no harm comes to him or his family"

Sophia looks back to Castle and Beckett. "Since you are already here and subject to the secrecy oath I will let you watch. Just remember Rick, I better not see any of the things you see show up in a book. Understood?"

"Yes, I understand" Castle answers

Castle is like a little boy in a toy store. He gets to look at all the pretty play things but he has been told he can take nothing home

"Castle, I can see your mind spinning. What are you thinking?"

Castle pulls Beckett away just a little "Kate. Something is not right. We were given information that led us here. But the note from the man who said he was my father said to be careful. What if we were foolish coming here without backup?"

There is a crackle in one of the speakers and the voice from a field agent fills the room

'Target Maddox has been acquired. He is moving to the roof top across from the hotel'

Control 'Roger. Can you tell if he is armed?'

Agent 'I did not see a weapon, but someone else my have brought it'

Control 'Acknowledge'

Agent 'I have another possible contact. Stand by'

_Pause_

Agent 'I have contact Hunt. I verify I have contact with Jackson Hunt. He just entered thru the service dock. He is carrying a case that could contain a weapon. Do you want me to move?'

Control 'Standby. Let me contact HQ. Control to Mother Hen'

Sophia Turner picks up a microphone "this is mother hen"

Agent 'Spotted subjects Maddox and Hunt. Do you wish us to neutralize?'

"No I am on my way. Wait until I arrive" Turner sets the microphone down and looks at Agent Jones "We got him! Finally!"

Sophia looks at Beckett and Castle "Want to go and save the world?"

"Try to stop me" Castle is grinning from ear to ear as he begins following Turner

They get in the elevator and go down to the lower level garage. Agents Jones and Turner along with Beckett and Castle climb aboard the blacked out SUV and rush out to the area near the UN.

The ride done in is in silence. Turner and Jones are in the front seat and Castle and Beckett in the back.

What the two CIA agents do not see is Rick reaches over to Kate's side and takes a hold of her hand and gives her a gentle squeeze.

Instead of her pulling away or even looking at Rick, Kate opens her hand and takes his. She pulls it on top of her thigh. He intertwines her fingers into Castle's and the two spend the rest of the ride in a more intimate touch than they have ever done in the almost four year friendship, partnership they have had

The SUV pulls into a space that the pair believes is the basement of the hotel or the building across from, the hotel. The four rush down a well lit corridor and thru an open door into a large room that must be a convention space for the hotel's lower level. After they cross about half the space Beckett gets a feeling that something is bad wrong.

She pulls her weapon and turns to face Turner only to find that Sophia already has her Sig pointed at the back of Kate's head

"Detective, don't even try"

Castle and Beckett both realize that they have been duped into this and they are probably going to die.

Looking at Jones Sophia speaks up "GO make sure Maddox completes his job. I'll take care of these two"

Agent Jones walks past Castle and Beckett and rushes out the door they just entered thru

"You will never get away with this", Kate tells the other woman

Sofia kicks Kate in the back of the legs causing her to drop to her knees. She then does the same to Castle

"Of course I will" is the response "I will tell everyone that you two attempted to stop him and he killed both of you in his attempt to escape. Then I locate and kill him but only after he has killed the child. I will be so sorry I didn't get there in time to save the two of you"

"Sofia, why are you doing this? It will destroy this country. The Sofia Turner I knew would never let this happen to her country" Castle states

Then the woman responds with a comment in perfect Russian that Castle does not understand, but Becket, who had spent a small amount of time in Russia, understood the words

"What do you mean, 'this is not your country'? You are CIA. You swore an oath to protect this country" Beckett comments

"I was never aligned with the capitalists. My allegiance belongs to 'The Party'"

Castle looks toward Beckett "I'm so sorry Kate."

"Sorry about what Rick?"

"The two of us dying like this with so many things unresolved between us. Things I have never said to you. Things I never told you. Missing moments between us. The secret I have been keeping"

Sofia Turner speaks up "Rick! Are you saying that you never told Kate about your past?"

Kate turns her head back to look at Turner

"He never told you what happened to him?"

"What do you mean? What happened to him?" Beckett asks in a raised voice

"He never told you why he became a mystery writer? Why he is so obsessed with murders? And why he was digging so deep into your past?"

"No" Kate answers

Sofia raises her gun in the direction of Rick's head

"Too bad that he never will"

NO!" Beckett screams as she tries to stand and protect Castle from his certain death but before Kate can move the sound of a gunshot echoes through the entire empty office space

* * *

><p><strong>OK We have now come back to the start. I did not want this to sound rushed but I have things I am dealing with that have made me wrap this up quicker than I planned. So the next chapter will close this one up<strong>


	23. A Different Target

**This is typical Castle double ended circular reference track the evidence to nowhere**

* * *

><p>The sound of the gun shot is still ringing in Beckett's ears as she watches Sophia Turner's body fall to the floor between her and Castle<p>

Kate gasps out his name "Rick! Are you alright?"

"Fine. How about you?" he responds to her question with a question of his own

The couple looks at the lifeless figure that was once a CIA agent turned traitor as the remaining blood trickles out of a wound in the back oh her head.

Whoever fired at her was an excellent shot as neither Castle nor Beckett was aware of anyone else in the large room.

In a reaction that can only be called desperate, Castle reaches out to Beckett and pulls her into hug holding her tighter than he thought she would be comfortable with. Yet he realizes she is holding onto him in a grip than equals his desperate attempt to merge into her.

"You two can do that later" a man's voice interrupts their current bliss "We have to go right now"

The pair looks up to see an older man, probably mid 60's, tall, grey hair. And an equally graying beard approach in a fast walk. He is carrying a rifle that is probably what he just used to place a bullet into Sophia Turner's head

Castle and Beckett quickly stand and are looking at this man who has passed by them on his way toward the main entrance. Beckett picks up her weapon as Castle is yelling after the man.

"Who are you? Where are we going? What is this all about?"

"I will explain all later. Right now we have to prevent Jones from carrying out his and Turner's plan to possible start Word War 3. Let's go!" The man says without slowing down

Rick look at Kate who has a large question in her eyes but they follow out to the hallway then up the stars heading to the street level. When they arrive in the main lobby the man turns to Beckett "You are police with credentials to get into the main floor. I will hang back and watch for Jones. Be advised that Cole Maddox is on a roof across the street with a sniper rifle and his target is the Russian Official. I have a man up there to stop him but Jones' orders are to complete the assassin if Maddox fails. Be very careful detective"

"Sir, whoever you are I need answers" Beckett says with a determination in her voice

"Later detective! Right now we must go save the world. Go!" The man points to the lobby door

When Castle and Beckett arrive at the main lobby, there is security consisting of both local and federal agents. Beckett presents her badge and they pass by the main barrier. The two stop short so they can watch for Jones to make his appearance.

They are not waiting long when there is a commotion of people rounds the corner. The entourage includes the man and woman from the photo Castle has in his pocket along with their child. There are Secret Service and local uniformed police around the group. There is also a man that Castle recognizes as a former New York State official and now a U.S. Senator, William Bracken.

Senator Bracken and the Russian delegate are walking and talking. Both men are smiling as they approach the main doors of the hotel. Just as the group exits onto the street there is the sound of a rifle shot.

The security detail reacts with military precision. The members of the diplomatic party are rushed back into the hotel. All the plain clothes members react with weapons drawn and surround the individuals that they are sworn to protect.

Out on the sidewalk just feet from the door and the safety of the interior, one male is on the ground. He appears to have a fatal bullet wound in the head. Blood is seeping onto the concrete. A medical team that was on standby rushes to the victim but quickly determines that there is no hope for his survival

Meanwhile Beckett is watching carefully inside the lobby sweeping the floor looking for the other shooter. She spots Jones just as he steps from behind a pillar with his gun drawn. He is too far from her for her to be able to react in time to stop him, but the older man appears from nowhere and tackles the traitor to the ground.

When Beckett arrives she pulls her handcuffs and shackles the man and calls for uniforms to come assist in his apprehension

By the time Beckett stands back up she can no longer see the stranger anywhere around.

"Kate! Did anyone get shot?" Castle questions

"I think so. I saw a man on the ground but I couldn't tell who it was" she answers Castle

Beckett tells the uniforms to take the man she just handcuffed to the 12th and hold him for her as she and Castle step out to the front of the building. Beckett looks around for the command car and the couple moves to the barricades surrounding the van and they enter

Once Beckett identifies herself and tells the commander about Sophie's body downstairs, she asks if anyone was able to get the shooter.

"The tactical commander, Sergeant Chandler, responds "Yeah we got him, but we were too late to stop him. He was able to get a shot off and he killed his target"

Beckett looks at Castle with no small amount of pain in her eyes. She looks back at the sergeant "So the little boy was killed?"

"OH No Detective! He shot Senator Bracken"

When Beckett and Castle arrive back at the 12th there is a storm of reporters on the street with their satellite trucks all set up and the reporters entering their stories to the news desks

Captain Gates is fielding telephone calls from One Police Plaza and the mayor's office as the pair arrives at the floor. She sees the two and tells them to come into her office "NOW!"

"Sir?" Beckett starts the conversation knowing that she is in for a long questioning herself

"Detective Becket, Mr. Castle. Will you two tell me now what is going on? I have a dead Senator, a captured rogue CIA agent, a captured sniper, and a missing body"

"Missing body?" Beckett questions

"Yes Detective. The woman's body, Sophia Turner, you said was dead is no where to be found. But we have a dead US senator and two in custody. I want answers and I want them now detective"

"Yes sir" Beckett responds and her and Castle spend the next thirty minutes filling the captain on the happenings over the last several days

After Beckett and Castle debrief Gates, the captain starts to fill the pair in on what she knows

"A SWAT team headed up on the roof of the building across the street from the hotel and they heard a shot fired. When they arrived at the sniper's nest they found another officer had subdued Maddox and had him in cuffs but it was too late. Maddox had already fired before the officer arrived. But we have his dead to rights. Do you want to go interrogate him detective?"

Beckett stands as she answers "Yes Sir! I Do!"

Beckett enters the box along with Castle. She drops the file on the table top and sits herself down. She sits quietly as she reads the notes in the folder

"Cole Maddox? Is that your real name?"

No answer. He only glares across the table at Beckett

"Your fingerprints are not in the system so I am assuming you were Special Forces. Delta, Seals, Rangers? And all the records of your existence have been purged"

Still Silence

"Do you understand that you are being charged with the murder of a US official?"

Maddox has a brief change in expression as if he has no idea what she is talking about

"You shot a killed a senator. Does that not bother you?"

At this moment Beckett and Castle both notice his face change as if he has no idea what they are talking about

"I did not shoot anyone"

"OH the suspect finally talks" Beckett comments "You sat on that roof and shot and killed a United States Senator. William Bracken or did your training make it impossible for you to remember who you murdered?"

"Wait! Senator Bracken is dead?"

"That's what happens when you point a gun at his head and pull the trigger. You murdered him"

"No! I did not shoot the Senator. I was there to…" He stops mid sentence

"You were there to do what? Look through the score and observe? Maddox, you killed Senator Bracken. Your rifle is the weapon that was used. You were arrested while still on the roof. You better start talking before they get there They are on their way to take you to federal lock up where no one will ever find you. You might want to start talking before they get here. Tell me who hired you?"

There is a brief pause then Maddox looks up at Beckett "Senator Bracken hired me"

"He hired you to kill himself?"

"No! Bracken hired me to kill the Russian's kid. I was hired to start another cold war"

"So why did you kill Bracken?"

"I didn't kill anyone! I had the boy in my sights then someone knocked me out. When I came to the Senator was on the ground and I was in handcuffs. The police were picking me up and then I was brought here".

The door to the room opens and Esposito look in "Beckett? Can I see you a minute?"

Outside in the hallway Beckett sees a number of suits have arrived and are talking to Gates.

"Kate, we found something" Esposito looks thru the open door a the prisoner

"What is it Javi?"

He turns back to Beckett and Castle "That man's DNA is in the system

"So we know who he is?" She asks

"No name associated but it is connected with a file on an unsolved shooting"

"OK. What case?"

Esposito looks directly at Kate's face "Yours" He points at the man in the chair "His DNA was found on the rifle that was used to shoot you"

Beckett turns and leans into the wall beside the door. She then instinctively reaches to her side for her weapon as if she is going to use it, but when they are inside the precinct they keep firearms locked away and her holster is empty

At this moment the group of two men and one woman steps up to the opening. Captain Gates looks at the group and introduces the group to Beckett and Castle. The leader identifies himself as Agent Danberg of the CIA he then introduces Agent Shaw of the FBI and Agent Fallon from Homeland Security. Of course Castle and Beckett already know the last two

"Captain Can we all go somewhere to talk?" Agent Danberg asks. They are directed to the conference room

"Hello Kate, Rick" Jordan Shaw speaks first. "I see he is still following you around, Kate. Anything new on that front?"

Kate is having trouble absorbing anything at the moment after just being told the man in behind the glass is the one who put a bullet in her chest just a few months ago

Castle answers for both of them "No agent Shaw. No real changes"

Captain Gates begins the information exchange "What does all these lettered agencies have to do with what happened today?"

Agent Danberg takes control "We have been tracking the activities of some rogue agents in the CIA when we discovered that Agents Turner and her associate Jones were traiders. She was evidently a sleeper agent for the KGB when the old Soviet Union fell. We were watching her as closely as we could without tipping her off"

"We got involved since it involved a foreign government and National Security" Agent Fallon continued "This is when we stumbled on the connection between Turner and an aide of Senator Bracken"

"Then the FBI got called since the office of a Senator was involved" Shaw says "We dug into the senators staff and stumbled upon his connection with a company called GreyStar. Senator Bracken along with a few other dirty politicians were the ones who created that company and all the other shell companies that surrounded it"

"Yeah we were looking into that at the beginning of this" Beckett states "It is brought us here"

"Let me get this straight" Castle begins his statement "Senator Bracken owned Greystar and he was using it to do his political assassinations? Then why did Maddox kill him?"

"Wait, Castle "Beckett interrupts "Maddox said he was hired to kill the Russian, not Bracken" Looking that the other agents, Kate continues "And why would Bracken have his own people start the cold war back up?"

Danberg responds "One of Bracken's companies is "Essential Electronics" They are on the cutting edge of electronic counter intelligence. If we had to start up world wide electronic listening he stood to make a fortune in government contracts"

"Bracken was playing both ends against the middle" Gates states

"That pretty much covers it" Fallon responds

"One problem though" Castle interjects "Maddox says he did not shoot Bracken. He said he was knocked out and when he woke up Bracken was dead and he was cuffed and in custody"

Gates looks across the table "Then who shot Bracken and why?"

"And where were they when the SWAT team arrived?" Fallon asks

* * *

><p>Late that same day<p>

* * *

><p>The prisoner has been transferred to Federal custody and the entire fourth floor is buzzing about what they achieved today in capturing Agent Jones and preventing another cold war or maybe even a real war. The capture of Kate's shooter, Cole Maddox<p>

The television news talking heads are reporting that the senator was killed by a disgruntled employee of a company that the senator owned stock in. While partly true, there was a lot of half truth in the reports

Everyone is celebrating except Beckett who is sitting at her desk quietly contemplating the revelations of today.

One: her mother's killing was ordered by Senator Bracken. He also ordered Maddox to kill her.

Two: Someone protected her from Maddox and set Maddox up and made it appear he killed Bracken But whom?

Kate feels like a giant weight has been lifted from her.

That weight that has been keeping her from moving her life up beside her partner's life.

She looks around the bull pin and she doesn't see Castle anywhere.

"Hey Espo? Have you seen Castle?"

Ryan answers "I think he left. He said something about going home and closing a book. I don't know what he meant by that"

Beckett stands, takes her jacket from the back of the chair and rushes to the elevator.

She just sat and watched her own wall finally came down

* * *

><p><strong>One Final Chapter to Go<strong>


	24. A Final Resolution

**Time to put this one to bed**

* * *

><p>Her knock on his loft door is firm and demanding. The sound from the hand that is requesting entry here is familiar. He knows exactly who is outside his entry barrier wanting access into his home<p>

She has done this so many times in the past that he is familiar with the sound of her knock

The door is pulled open and as expected she is there and he is facing her

His reasons for being here alone was to deal with the past and close a door to that past that had been open far too long. Just as he feels that door has been closed, he has now opened a new door. A door with her on the other side

He tries to stand firm in front of the visitor but he knows that his truths will now come full circle. He takes a deep breath. He is not sure of what words he wants to say nor how he will explain and definitely how or even if she will accept his explanation.

Before he can create the words in his mind, she speaks first

"Can we talk?" She says just like the day she came into his home after her shooting

He knew this day would probably come sooner or later and he had to face the truth.

The truth about his past, about his secret, about his wants and desires especially how they fit with his desire for Kate

He says nothing as he moves aside and pulls the door completely open to allow her entry

She removes her jacket and places it on the coat rack beside the door. She turns around to face the man causing him to stop just inside the living area

Not sure where the conversation needs to start, Kate changes her plan

"I thought you might like to know what happened after you left"

He looks beck to her as she continues

"The SWAT team that captured Maddox on the roof were writing up their reports when they realized no one admitted to being the first officer on the scene. They all reported that a uniformed male officer already had Maddox in handcuffs when the four man team arrived on the roof. The officer was standing beside Maddox when SWAT took over and no one saw the uniform again. He just disappeared"

Castle turns and walks further into the loft and then turns back to Beckett

"That fits with the information I got when I got home"

"What information?" Beckett asks

Castle opens his laptop and turns the screen to face Beckett. There is an email. Castle opens the page

'Richard,

I am so sorry that you two have had so much pain caused by Bracken but that part of your life is closed.

We had no choice but to neutralize him or he would have just kept coming after her and I know how important she is to you.

I am sorry I had to remove Turner. We wanted to get more intel but I couldn't let her fire

I hope next time we meet there will be time that I can learn more about you, Alexis, and of course Beckett

The picture I left for you is one I have carried for a while. I made a new one.

We'll meet again Sometime Somewhere

Jackson Hunt'

Beckett can't help but wipe a tear from her face

"Castle, he's the one who saved us? Your father is Jackson Hunt and he saved us?"

"I appears so" Rick responds

"Castle where are we now?" she asks

"The same place we have been for over four years I suppose solving crimes, chasing bad guys and putting killers behind bars"

"No Rick, I mean you and me. Where are we? All this has changed the dynamic. We came so far over the last weeks and then I felt like we just fell backwards"

"I'm still your partner and your friend and I want even more" After a pause "I hope"

"What happened today that made you leave then? Rick you and I have agreed that we are more than partners. We are more than friends. You and I…we are…soul mates"

She stops when those last two words jump out of her mouth

He stares into her beautiful green eyes but he has lost his ability to speak after what she just proclaimed to him.

'Did I just hear her say we are soul mates?'

That is a term reserved for couples in love. Yes I love her but does she love me? At least she never said she was there before. Just ever so close. And after what was said by Sophia he thinks she probably will never trust him

"Rick, in that building Sophia Turner said something about you. About your history. Something about why you are the way you are. Castle! I have known ever since we met that you had something in your background. What are you not telling me?"

Castle walks around the ravishing woman blocking his path to the living area

"So much! So very, very much!"

He places himself on the love seat and when he looks up she has followed him and to his surprise she is joining him. Even with a lot of space available to her, she is sitting so close that their legs are touching. Something that brings him joy

Kate reaches out and takes his hand into hers and gently caresses the back of his palm then reaches around and intertwines their fingers and again places his hand on her leg indicating intimacy.

"Rick, Talk to me. Tell me what is going on. I want to help. I want to be here for you"

She pauses briefly.

"You have been here to help me through all the bad times. The events of today tore the wall completely down around me and now I want to be here for you too"

He is lost in her eyes as he has been so many times before. He has to break his concentration so he can continue to answer her interrogation. He slowly pulls his hands away from her. This causes a question to appear on her face. She is afraid that he is pulling away from them but he reaches over the back of the couch to retrieve a book from the table behind the divan. He brings the book over her shoulder and places it into her lap. She immediately recognizes it as a photo album.

More specifically it appears to be a Wedding Album

A larger look of questioning appears in her eyes as she looks down to the cover. The cover has a cutout and inserted in that pocket is a picture of a man and a woman. The man is Richard Castle bur Kate does not recognize the woman. She then raises her face to look into his face

"Go ahead and open it" Castle speaks quietly

Kate knows that Rick had been married before. Twice to be exact. She has met both of his former wives. Meredith the famous ex sex and fried Twinkie, mother of Alexis, and on again off again actress. And then the second wife, Gina, his publisher and summer fling a couple of years ago that he fought with constantly when they were together bringing out the reason they were no longer together

So where does this Wedding album fall in his life. Kate slowly opens the front cover to reveal a stunning woman in a wedding dress. The shot was a posed photograph taken in front of a hedge and arbor made up of natural evergreens.

This photograph is obviously NOT either of the two women Kate knew about. The woman in this picture appears to be around twenty light brown hair, very similar in color and style to Kate's hair

She flips the pages and on each new leaf she is greeted with another image of this woman. Some pictures were of her in more casual attire and several contained other young ladies similarly dressed and posed in similar surroundings. Apparently bride's maids

Kate looks at each page carefully looking for the reason that he has this book. Then at the end she finds her answer. A wedding invitation naming the groom to be Richard Castle, but the bride's name is not known to Beckett.

'Kyra Blaine'

Kate is fighting back tears as she finally closes the book but leaves it on her lap

Looking up she sees that Castle's eyes are also glazed over

"Rick! What is this?" Pointing to the book in her lap

"The woman who WAS going to be my wife. My first and, I hoped, my only wife"

"Who is she and what happened?

"Who was she? Not is she. She is dead or more accurately, she was murdered"

"Murdered? What happened?"

Castle takes the book from Beckett's lap

"We met in college our first year there. We had dated for three years and were planning on getting married. She was a journalism student and she was planning on going into publishing after graduation and of course I was starting to write"

He slides his hand across the cover of the photo album

"During the second semester of our junior year we were planning the wedding. That is when these pictures were taken"

He stops talking again.

"Castle? Talk to me. Did she break up with you?"

"No. She was working for the student newspaper as a reporter. She had gotten a lead on some corruption in the police force and she had been following up on some small piece of evidence. And she was…"

He stops talking and looks down at the book again

Beckett takes Castle's hand again "What happened Rick?"

"The day before the wedding she was found murdered in an alley" He looks up to Kate's eyes "The same alley they found your mother in years later"

"OH No! Rick" She squeezes his fingers in hers.

"The police chalked it up to gang violence just like your mother's case. I had nothing. I went over her notes and found that she was tracking some politician and his activities connected to a drug lord. I got a hold of a copy of the police report and filed it away until I had the resources to open the case and investigate for myself"

"Castle! You should have left that to the detectives" Beckett takes both of his hands into hers

"Kate, I know that but at the time I felt like her murder was being covered up and I figured out later that it was"

Castle looks at Beckett "Exactly like your mother's case"

"How do you know?"

"You remember when I got Clark Murray to look into you mom's file? He determined how she died. He was the one who told me how Kyra died. The same type wound. The same knife. The same thrust. Everything was identical"

Beckett sites quietly for several minutes before speaking again

"So does this explain why Richard Castle is a mystery writer?. Why he is engrossed in the macabre?"

Castle takes a deep breath before answering "Yes to both questions and yes to the third question"

"What third question?"

"Why I spent the last several years chasing women"

"I don't understand. I thought you were just a playboy"

"Not really. That's not why I did what I did. I was looking for a pain killer. A drug I could use to ease my pain. The pain of losing the only REAL woman I had ever known"

"You used women as a narcotic?"

"Yeah. Women. Then booze, then women again then when the booze stopped working. Then I discovered if I wrote about murders then I could stop thinking about her. But after a while after the book was finished and I was back to the women. It became a viscous circle that I couldn't stop spinning"

Kate Beckett begins thinking about the first case her and Castle worked together and it all is coming together. During the case, he was fine but then when it was over he made a full charge trying to get her into a horizontal position in bed.

"Rick, it all makes sense now. You were just using all these substitute pain pills but after a while they no longer worked. Just like someone on real drugs. After a while you needed something stronger then stronger until even the most powerful pain killer doesn't do the job"

"Exactly" He responds without looking up from the album

"But Castle for the last three years you have not been getting drunk nor having a constant line of disposable women around. What changed?"

He looks up to Kate "You! That's what changed. You came into my life. And you were the cure"

"Me? What do you mean me?" Beckett is honestly confused

"Kate, Kyra was a real woman. She kept me grounded. She kept me sane and in control of my emotions"

He pauses then looks directly into Kate's eyes "Just like you are. You're. REAL"

His love for Kate is showing in every word he speaks to her. She tried to deflect for a moment

"So we really do have a common history?"

"Yeah I guess we do

"This is why you stopped trying to get in my pants?" Kate chuckles trying to lighten the conversation

"Kate I stopped that when I realized I was in love with you, just as much as I was with Kyra. I did not want a tumble. I wanted it all with you. But just like you I couldn't get involved that way because…"

"You and I had the same unresolved issues?"

"Yeah"

"Rick, why didn't you tell me these things before?"

"Because you deserve to be happy and I was afraid being with me you would not be happy"

She wants to tell him that he has always made her happy with everything little thing he does for her

Castle stands up taking the photo album to his office. He opens the door to his storage closet and starts to place the book on the top shelf. Out of site, out of mind

"It's time for me to close this part of my life and try to forget all of this ever happened"

Beckett has followed him and as he starts to put the book away, she reaches and takes it from his hand

"What are you doing Kate?" Rick asks

"She was a very important part of the life and times of Richard Castle and she should never be forgotten. She should not be put away on a shelf and forgotten like and old set of bed linen"

Beckett takes the book and places it on a book shelf in his office where it is still in the open

Kate turns back around and faces Castle

"But I don't want to be forgotten either. I want that love in my life that I think she had for you and I want you to have real love in your life again. Not as a narcotic. Not just putting the hurt into remission"

She steps up to his body, raises herself on her toes, and places her arms around his neck

"But a permanent cure for the past. A long time, forever kind of cure"

As he reaches around her waist and moves his lips to hers he responds

"Me too!"

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks to all my readers. I am developing a headache waiting for the wedding.<strong>

**So my prediction**

**The PERFECT Venue for them**

**In the park on the swings.**


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